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2024. Going anywhere inside my little world. |
| Come on the adventures of a little mouse as she writes about her opinions and her life. |
| Played with my port today and some of the images. Created a new reviewing signature because I have used that image someplace else. I'm so proud of me; I was able to add text to the new sig. Might change some other things later....... Will add to this entry as the day goes on. It's later. I just trashed the pages I did of my diary (time stamped thingy). It got completely confusing when I didn't write down anything from last night to this afternoon and it was more than just the pages sticking together. I watched "The Mist" (based on Stephen King's novella) today and remember all the inspiration the story had given me when I read it and when I seen the movie before. I probably wouldn't finish those stories either and I know I wouldn't be able to sell them without going through a lot of rigamarole about copyrights. Although they say that to some authors the greatest form of flattery you could give them is for one of their works to inspire you. I'm going off to read "Witch's Book of Self-Care"....... |
| Actually I took it off about a month ago. I was wearing my Dad's wedding ring on my left hand. It was supposed to be a slap in the face to him as I was wearing it as a widower to my girlfriend Lisa...... My parents hated her as we were growing up. I was a freshman in HS when I met Lisa. Up until then my best friend had been my cousin Alyssha but she had found Jennifer and didn't have time for me any more. Lisa and I clicked right away. We talked to each other about everything under the sun. She fell right in to Mansions (my role playing game) , playing the girls to my guys. She was the only one I felt really comfortable letting my masculine side show and being the male side of a relationship. It was the first time I could let my bisexuality out. I gave Lisa rings several times but we never officially had a real ceremony.....though we had a few in Mansions. Okay, now to the bad part....... fast forward to 30 years later through which our families each did their best to keep us apart. So did circumstances beyond our control ( or at least they felt that way at the time). I had moved from Missouri back to Michigan to be with Lisa and I moved in to her apartment. It was everything we had dreamed (except the bed bugs) until her sisters found out. They said she could lose her apartment and her Section 8 if I didn't move out immediately..... (Did I mention that it was better for her brother Rick to be an addict who robbed and assaulted them then for Lisa to be a Lesbian?) They even made me sign papers that I wouldn't come within 100 yds of the apartment ever. We talked on the phone alot. I had moved to Port Huron and changed residences about four times before I ended up at Terry's Room and Board house. Terry eventually encouraged me to invite Lisa up. I made up this male profile on FaceBook so Lisa and I could talk there. She told her sisters she was coming up to spend four days with him. Luckily they didn't want to investigate who Erik was any further..... She came up and we had a blast...... We went to the mall and for walks by the river and shopping everywhere. Lisa had gottten physically worse though and I had to push her in a wheelchair everywhere. She told me she was asking her sisters for a scooter. About a month later the phone calls stopped. A week after that Terry told me that they had announced Lisa's death on Facebook....... They said she was found on the floor by her couch and she must have fallen in her sleep..... I found out later that when the phone calls had stopped it was because she didn't want to tell me that her sisters were looking for an institution to put her in........she knew I would have been down there to take her away from them forever..... The last thing she had posted on Facebook was a rant to her sisters with the ending "I''m telling Mom!!!!'" Lisa's mother had passed the previous December. She came to see me In March. She had made it four months under her sisters' tyranny. I can't blame her for wanting out..... Though I don't have any proof, nothing can convince me that Lisa did not take her own life. I took the ring off because it was starting to itch all the time and give my finger a rash. It was telling me it was time to let go. Lisa will always be my one true soul mate and the love of my life. I will never stop loving her. |
| Went out with Sally today (peer support).... She tells me she can't afford to go to the book store today so save my money for next week....So we go to a restaurant because I say that I can afford coffee and still afford books..... the waitress comes and Sally orders oatmeal with her coffee..... so I said screw it and ordered raisin toast. That was $15 down the tubes. Combine that with me misplacing $15 and I am down to $5 for the rest of the month...... This is how my money keeps dwindling when I have it Other than that it was a decent day. I did a section of the diamond painting I've been working on. Took a nap with the dog and watched some TV with Terry (sister). All in all not bad. Would have been better if I got some writing done. Empty yet somewhat satisfying day. |
| I have been seriously distracted away from WdC. The biggest thing grabbing my attention lately has been a tablet game called Hempire.... Yes it is about growing weed....... Terry(sister) doesn't like it because she says it teaches kids it is ok to do it. I'm so tired all the time too. but I am not sleeping.Right now it is after 11:30 pm and I'm just starting to think about laying down. A couple of days ago I started an offline diary; one of those ones you record the time and the things you do throughout the day. I started it because both Terry and my short term memory has been for crap lately. Sometimes we can't remember when we last ate or if we took our medications. As I put in the answer for a newsfeed question, our craft room is finally back to using condition. I finished a diamond painting today that I started like three months ago before everything went haywire. Thank you David (nephew) for asking about it today. That opened the door to get his help with it. Other than that I've been trying to sit in the living room more so I've been watching TV (cross-eyed and drooling staring at the idiot box). We started watching "Gotham" but changed over to "Stargirl" for a couple of days then back to "Gotham"..... This just gave me an idea for a survey: DC or Marvel? (I'm a Marvel girl myself....) Things just aren't all that exciting in my world (when you start discussing bathroom habits you know you're in trouble.). Have I mentioned my hair in here yet? my normal length when I was growing up was about an inch. I had very frizzy wiry curly hair. Back then it didn't grow down it grew out. I went too long without a haircut and I looked like one of those cartoon cats that floats out of the dryer.....anyways my hair is now below my shoulders.....I have always wanted long hair. I thought it was going t o grow back worse after I fried it with a relaxing treatment.......Believe me I am vry happy with it. Okay starting to nod and its almost miidnight so I'm going to bed. Blessed Dreams to all. |
| signed up for the Weird & Wonky World Writing Challenge but I don't understand the contest now. I know I am supposed to write based one of the prompts given each week...... I asked and now I know where to post my entries if I ever get one written...... The part I don't get is on the progress page they have my Nezoom story.... Am I supposed to write something that fits Nezoom? I tried to write something without using Nezoom and failed miserably. I only got 150 wds and the minimum for the challenge is 1000.........and I had more questions than answers on the subject.......What exactly constitutes an authority figure and why would someone want to impersonate one? I'm going to try to write for one of the prompts tomorrow...... Nothing else going on. Sally (case worker) is on vacation this week. I've just been watching TV with Terry and sleeping mostly. We've gotten interested in "Gotham"..... Right now my legs are starting to act up and I think I'm getting a bed sore again. Its going on midnight and I'm barely tired. OH well. Have nothing to be awake for tomorrow anyhow. |
| I slept most of the day while watching John Wayne movies (Rio Lobo and The Alamo) . Terry (sister) woke David up (nephew/caregiver) to fix us something for Dinner and he was crabby about it. David just got a bed frame and dresser yesterday so he was in good spirits. He also has been working on the yard (which has got me a little miffed because the inside of the house needs attention.) He seems in better spirits now. Terry wants me to write down what is making me feel depressed and irritated so we can discuss it. How do I tell her without just saying it that she doesn't understand. Most of the time I can't put my finger on what is upsetting me. I just feel bad and I don't want to feel anything anymore. That's why I sleep so much. I have to distract myself every waking moment or my mind tends to travel to dark places like self harm and suicide.....I don't know. I'll figure something out. One of the main things that upsets me is not having enough money. I guess that is a universal thing that everyone deals with but I keep wishing for an influx like tax returns or stimulus. Then I would just abuse it anyhow and it wouldn't last. I'm terrible at finances. Okay to the "I wants"..... I want my room cleaned and straightened so it doesn't look like everything was just tossed hither, thither, and yond (which is what I do anyways) ...... I want someone to help me with things like my room.....I want my dresser moved so I can get to the electrical outlet.... I WISH I had more room in my room (like that is going to happen) ...... I wish I knew what to do with the stuff I no longer want in my room.....I WISH I felt like I didn't have to keep me and my stuff in my room..(I just bought myself a fridge for my room and just my insulin and Trulicity takes up 75% of it. So much for having stuff in my room I can munch on at night). Okay now that I am getting myself irritated I'm going to go find something to relax me...... |
| yesterday I seen Jacob (therapist) and we did paperwork about case management. I mentioned that I don't believe I am bi-polar because I've never been manic. They have me listed as hypomanic which is a mild state. I still don't believe it. Our appointment took until 12:15 and I hardly had time to eat my lunch before crochet group. It didn't help that I kept leaving my cane in places and had to back track to go get it. No, I didn't get any writing done yesterday. i don't know why I carried my writing stuff with me. All it turned into was something more to carry around. Crochet group was boring. I tried to get them to teach me how to do a magic ring but no one in the class is left handed. I'm going to see if I can teach myself a small amigruri thing to show them I can do it without them and then quit the group. Needless to say I am still working on the afghan I started by myself to have something to do in class. Today was okay. I watched Chisum in the living room with Terry and crocheted. Did a lot of crocheting today. Also printed off some word searches with topics like 'facial expressions" , "emotions and feelings", "character traits" and "personality traits". I thought that they might inspire me or at least give me some vague ideas for my novels. I'm trying but I want to retreat back into my shell rather than participate in anything. Just let me lay in my bed and think about things I should be doing or at least writing down...... I feel so pathetic...... |
| Monday was the holiday, so it was basically like having another Sunday. David (my caregiver/nephew) and I walked to Dollar Treasure, and he pointed out what were the good values and what were things we could use around the house. I spent the trip dreaming over things I'd love to have but couldn't afford. Tuesday Sally (case worker) texted me and said we could meet if I liked. She took me to get my glasses fixed. I had lost a screw in one of the lenses. We talked about different things like where we could go when we get back on schedule (she is on vacation next Monday). She said she would call me if she got time next week. Wednesday both me and Terry (sister) slept most of the day after having a terrible night's sleep. I canceled my sleep study consult appointment. It would have just put me back on a machine that I really don't want. Today was Thursday and I crocheted while watching over Terry while David went to the plant store late morning to early afternoon. No biggie. I got five rows do.ne. Then I was on here. I told myself I was going to write for a contest, but I keep putting it off so I'm not doing it. Tomorrow I have an appointment with Jacob (therapist) to catch up on paperwork. After that is crochet group. I will be at CMH all afternoon. Maybe I'll get some writing done but I doubt it. Tonight I'm going to chillax and I might do some more crocheting or maybe work on a puzzle. More than likely I'll play computer games. |
| Spent most of the day watching movies with Terry. How droll. She was still upset from Tom throwing basically a temper tantrum most of the night after finding out Terry's bed was unusable without some major cleaning. He stayed until four this morning, but he complained the whole time. So I had to help Terry calm down which took until two this afternoon. Sally didn't show today. I figured that would be the case with it being Memorial Day. (and we all rejoiced; yay) I honestly did think about writing today. I knew that if I came in the room though I would just check my messages here then lay down and take a nap. I took my tablet out in the living room but all I did was check on here twice. I'm honestly lost without my printer. I have no hard copies of what is on here of my novels. If I don't know what I have I can't continue. I could look at what is on here and then try to write from there, but I know I will mess up on some of the details. What else am I doing? Nothing as per usual. I could have tried to crochet today but used the dog in my lap as an excuse not to. Besides my eyes were giving me trouble all day. I could barely see my TV when I did come in the bedroom. I watched "The Frighteners" which is always good for a laugh or at least a chuckle. Then I watched "Inferno" which is like the third installment to "The DaVinci Code". I still don't get it all the way. Interesting question though: There is a switch that only you can control. If you flip it, half the world's population will die instantly. If you don't, all of the population will die in one hundred years. What do you do? |
| I just got my first check yesterday and my account is in the hole today. I went to the dollar treasure with David on Friday and dreamed about the figurines and oil burners and spinners for the back yard. They are just dreams though and certainly not things that I cannot live without. I could live without my amazon prime membership but they already dinged my account. Then I had to buy supper for Terry and I (Arbys) saying David went to Eds again for a few days. thst snd the $400 that went for part of my rent and I am tapped out. I crocheted a little today but my hands were shaking so bad I couldn't do much. I don't know why but I just thought that starting smoking again might help. I really need to start working on my writing. It would distract me from other things and make me feel like I might be accomplishing something. I wish I could hire myself out to write stories but I tried that once for a raffle aand it ended in disaster. So did my recent attempt at drawing for a raffle prize. i don't know what all is going to happen this week. Tomorrow is a holiday (Memorial Day) so there will be no mail and Sally may not come. I have that consult with the sleep study on Thursday but I don't know if I am going to go. It's just going to be a long rigamarole thing that will end in me possibly being on a sleep machine for the rest of my life. I've gone for 56 years without it. Why should I need it now. Besides it is not like I want to go the extra mile to ensure I don't die anytime soon. I might write more later David came home sick tonight. Loads of fun. Hopefully he won't be a snot like he was when his teeth were bothering him. I just hope we don't get into it. So help me I will walk out and find someplace to go...... What can I do really? I have no place to go and no money to help me do it. If I was to move I would probably have to hire people to move my stuff and then there's the whole thing of 1st and last months rent and security deposit. I really can't afford it. My life is a merry-go-round. Up and down and round and round and not getting anywhere....... |
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