Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

No More Playing Nice

Dear Mice Management,

I'm writing to request you obliterate your entire race. Why? you may ask. Because I have an unreasonable fear of your species. Maybe this seems extreme to you, but it would really eleviate a lot of stress in my life.

I do appreciate the efforts you've made. I mean, I haven't seen you in my house except for that one time 2 summers ago. And I admit, my blood pressure has resumed to normal now.

But the thing is, my fear of mice is widely known. Therefore, people find humor in scaring me, especially my 15 year old son. So I figured, if mice were to somehow inexplicable become extinct, the only real thing he'd have to scare me about is the world ending this year - in which case, you'd become extinct anyway.

I'm not asking you make a big production about it or anything. A quiet mass suicide would do the trick. Or even a simple starvation strike. Whatever works best for you and your beady-eyed friends.

Thank you for reading this letter. I appreciate your timely attention to this matter.

Fear-thee-well,

Audra