Snow Melt

Funny Friday: The Neon Green Sneezing Avenger

April 20, 2012, Friday, Day 20 ~ 30-Day Blogging Challenge prompt is "If you could have one super power to help save the world what would it be? Now, the proviso is it has to be a silly super power and your mileage may vary on the facet of the world you are saving."

I suppose it had to happen sometime. I mean with all the pollution and cutting down the rain forest. Not to mention the fuel trucks, cars, recreational vehicles, and other means of transportation clogging our highways and city streets. I even think I saw a movie about something like this happening. However, I never thought it would happen to me.

Under most circumstance, I’m a careful and defensive driver. When I get in the car, I put my cell phone inside my purse, zip the purse closed, and the put the purse on the floor of the passenger side. This way, when and if the phone rings the voice mail picks it up before I can get to the phone.

Anyway, I was driving west on Sahara Avenue on my way to a doctor’s appointment or something like that, with the drivers side window down (the cool air in my car doesn’t work properly so I have to use a version of the old fashion four 45 air-conditioning). My silver Kia was in the center lane. On the left was a fuel truck and on my right a city bus.

Something caused the city bus to swerve into my car, which pushed my Kia into the fuel truck. Whatever the truck was transporting spilled onto and into my car; I know it wasn’t gasoline because it smelled like lavender spice and spring rain. Fortunately, the contents weren’t flammable, at least it didn’t catch fire. By the time, the truck driver pulled me out of the car the police and paramedics arrived.

I stood in the middle of the street smelling like laundry detergent and liquid fabric softener, while the paramedics checked on the passenger of the bus and the police talked to the bus driver. An ambulance arrived and waited for casualties. After determining, that there were no injuries on the bus, the paramedics ask me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I said yes, but only on the condition that I could go in the ambulance. (I learned in 2007, that if you go to an emergency room you get in quicker if you take an ambulance.)

The ambulance drivers and paramedics were agreeable, since I was the best smelling patient they had transported all day. A police officer retrieved my purse out of my car and I went to UMC. At UMC, the nurses hosed me down and the doctor checked me over. The doctor didn’t find anything wrong with me so he released me and suggested I take a long hot shower when I got home to make sure all the chemicals were out of my hair and off my body. I thought that was the end of it.

I was wrong. The next, morning while listening to the news, I heard that an oil field somewhere in the Middle East was in flames. At that point, I sneezed and the color of my hair and skin changed from their original color to neon green. Unlike the Hulk, I didn’t look like I had overdosed on steroids. Still in my nightgown, I disappeared from my living room and appeared in the center of the burning oil field.

Facing east, I stood in the middle of the burning oil with my nightgown melting and sneezed. That sneeze put the fire out in the direction I faced. Then I turned north and sneezed again with the same results. After I put the fire out, I stood there naked, but unburned.

A military officer, who should have been angry because a naked woman was standing in the oil field, came up to me and handed me a blanket. He asked if I was all right. I assured him I was unharmed, and then he asked my name and country of origin. Since my skin and hair were, still neon green and I didn’t want to give my real name or nation. I told him I was the Neon Green Sneezer and I worked for Gaia, an internal organization dedicated to dealing with human created ecological disasters. I also explained that I needed to report to his country’s representative to the United Nations. After all, there is no use causing an international incident over a sneeze.

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