Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

Come Sit, Let me be an Interpreter for Your Teenage Daughter

I'm going to ramble here a bit, so if you want to skip down to the "good" stuff go right ahead. Writing something like this has been in my mind for a long time (I mean even longer than a day), but i didn't know quite how to form it so I decided to just blog the crap out of it. Plus, yesterday I read a poem by Sil (check her port out - it's a trip worth making), and it said to me - Yeah, what you have to say is worth saying. it could be lying to me, who knows?

Before I interpret your teenage daughter, I would like to proclaim myself an expert. Not because I have a degree in psychology, not because i have teenage daughters (I don't - Thank you, God for giving me the son I prayed for -- it proved to me you love me more than you love my ex-husband who was praying for a girl -- j/k God- kinda lol), but I am an expert on them because I have taught in some fashion whether it be in school or when i taught dance thousands of teenage girls. You pick up on a few things after awhile.

When I tell people I teach middle school, I get a look of pity and that I must be slightly off my rocker. I don't teach middle school because I can't get another job - I teach it because I LOVE this age. People say, "Ohhhhh, they are awful, mean, hormonal, etc." - I nod and say, "Yeah, sometimes - but aren't we all?" I think it is as much us as them - they are changing and we aren't ready for it. I don't even think it's the hormones, their brains are just changing/adapting at such a rate that they are lost. They don't know whether to embrace it or fight it - hence comes the erratic behavior. One minute they want to be a grown up and treated like such and the next they want to be that little girl whose biggest issue is what dress to put on Barbie.

One more thing and I'll get to the good stuff. I have a student, we will call her Molly. She is the sweetest, most respectful, helpful, hard worker that has passed through my door. She will be in 8th grade this year. I met her as a 6th grader. Last year, she came to my room at lunch and wanted to know if she could talk to me. I welcomed her in. I love being around this girl; she makes me want to be a better person. I could tell Molly was confused. She let it spill out.

"Ms. Ralls, something is wrong with me. Lately, when my mom asks me to do something, it aggravates me- and last night I even talked back to her!"

This conversation is kind of what really opened my eyes to what they are going through. Molly had only known herself as respectful, happy, helpful and now a creature in her was looming its head. She was smart enough (this was impressive) to know her mother's behavior hadn't changed so it must be her.

So, I know there are days when they aren't real 'likable', and their verbal skills seem to have diminished to sarcasm and negativity, but in there is a person just trying to find their way.

Here is a guide of things to expect to hear and have to interpret

OMG Mom, learn today's lingo - it is impossible to even talk to you - what she really means though - is don't ever use it when you talk though because no way are you cool enough to pull it off and you are emabarrassing enough as it is. I mean have you seen the way you dress?

Monday: You NEVER come to any of my games/events. Shelly's mom is there every time!
Tuesday: Why did you come to my softball game?! you are so loud and how could you call me 'sweetie' in front of the whole world.

Oh disgusting! Did you two seriously just kiss at the breakfast table - get a room -- ughh - i can't even eat now. Nice job parenting there - make your daughter naseuas
You should see Kimmy's folks - they are sooo cute - they do everything together. When we went to pick up some snacks at the store - they even held hands. It was adorable. They really love each other

Mom: Your face looks so pretty when you pull your hair back like that.
Daughter: So you are saying I'm fat? Great! Thanks, Mom.

This homework is too hard! It would be nice is someone would give me a little help!
5 minutes later: that is not how you do it. Are you stupid? you are going to make me fail

In the morning: I can't believe what that skank, Rebecca, posted on MY facebook page. I hate her! She always starts crap
Phone call at noon: Mom, can Rebecca spend the weekend with us. I know we were going to the cabin. But it's so much more fun when I have a best friend with me

Dylan is so gross, mom. He wears the same clothes almost every day -- I can't believe you made me play with him when we were babies - Seriously, what were you thinking?
Next day
Mom! We have to go shopping for a spring formal dress! Dylan asked me to the dance! Be right back, he's texting me

The mall (my advice - just don't go)
You're joking, right? that is the ugliest dress I've ever seen. Do you want me to be the ugliest girl at the dance? Uh. . Ruffles? Just go sit down somewhere, Mom. that is hideous.
After the dance: Mom, you should have seen Jamie's dress. It was beautiful. Everyone was talking about it. It had these cool ruffles on it. It made her look so skinny! maybe next year we will be able to find something like that

Dad, can you give us a ride to the movies. I can pay; we just need a ride. Pleeeeeeeassseeeeee, Dadddy
Pulling up to the movies, she reaches her hand out. Dad: I thought you said you could pay.
Duh. Of course I can, after you give me the allowance you owe me from like the last 15 years. Don't embarrass me like this, Father.

Why can't you be more like Carrie's parents - they let her do whatever she wants. They actually TRUST her to make decisions
It is your fault I'm so tired. I'm going to fail this bio test now. How could you have let me stay up so late. Gawwwdddd - your the parents. Do you not watch Dr. Phil? we need boundaries.

Dad, you can always make me laugh with those goofy jokes. they always make me feel better.
have you lost your mind???? telling those stupid jokes when my friends were in the car! Your goal is to make me a social outcast, isn't it? You have no idea what it's like to be a teen.

4:00 p.m. ARE YOU KIDDDING ME, MOTHER! YOU ACTUALLY WENT IN MY ROOM! YOU ARE NEVER, EVER ALLOWED IN MY ROOM. IT'S MY SPACE - IT'S MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT. slamming of the door.
10:00 p.m. Mom! Mom!!!! Mommmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!! Come here!!!!
Mom standing at the bedroom door (probably with her 4th glass of wine)
Mom, could you tuck me in and lay with me like you used to. tell me that story about how you and dad met on the hiking trip because you both got lost and ended up in the same group. And could you play with my hair a little too?

I'm sure I could think of more but well I don't want to scare you too much. Just remember they are kids - like us -- they are just trying to figure out the world - like us -- the only difference is we have more experience to draw from - they'll get there - like us.

Hug a teen today,
Audra