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Rated: 18+ · Message Forum · Community · #1282016
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Mar 7, 2012 at 6:47pm
#2368956
Re: flash, got eight seconds?
Well, that IS pretty flashy, Mike. Loved the ending.
How to make better...hmmm...how about...?

My eyes are wide open, filled with adrenaline, panic, and confusion.There are dirt and smothering leaves caked across my face. What's happened? How'd I get here? I try to move, but can't pick myself up off the ground.

Just a suggestion. The way it reads now, the sentences are too choppy (Ha, choppy! Get it?) and it seems to lose its flow.
Keep writing my friend,
-Bill


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flash, got eight seconds? · 02-26-12 1:32pm
by Michael Thomas-Knight
*Star* Re: flash, got eight seconds? · 03-07-12 6:47pm
by W.D.Wilcox

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