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Review #4743644
Viewing a review of:
 The Dream  [13+]
A small Challenge I do with three nouns ( Person, place and thing )
by Remi_Dee
Review of The Dream  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Interesting way to get your writing prompts; if it works, then continue to use it. Anything to get the creative juices flowing.

As for the story, you have followed the old trope of the dream becoming reality, and added the current fear du jour of clowns, adding a nice juxtaposition.

Technically, this does need a bit of work. There's a tense jump at the start, and there are some misplaced capital letters. But the biggest issue is that it should be broken into paragraphs, even if to make it easier for the reader.

You can also use paragraphs to heighten tension. Short, very short, paragraphs can make a story scarier because it gives the reader the chance to pause, and that means think and contemplate the horror.

As for the story itself, it was very muted. We know what happened, but the emotions of the narrator were nowhere to be seen. The five main senses were not utilised. even if it was a dream, it comes across as a lucid dream, so everything should be there. And then, at the end, you just tell us there were squeaking clown shoes.

In horror, the "show. not tell" mantra is vital if you want to actually engender a sense of fear in the reader.

You have a great idea; let your imagination flow, let the word count grow.

Good luck going forward.

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