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Review #4751355
Viewing a review of:
 Cloudy  [E]
The saddness of Alzheimer's from a personal point of view
by MoonChilde
Review of Cloudy  
Review by Dave
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Greetings, MoonChilde!

Welcome to our international community of writing inspiration. I saw your introduction on the "Noticing Newbies"  forum and wanted to offer a few observations in the interest of friendly hospitality and constructive support. Of course, they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.

TITLE:

Like the names of your children, a title gives your brainchild a specific identity. It is also a critical element of your composition, because it is the portal through which a prospective reader must pass to enter the realm of your linguistic charm. It sets the tone and prepares the reader for what is to come.

This title certainly represents your presentation accurately, I am not so sure that it contains the lure necessary to attract a crowd. I felt the need to enter when I saw the description in your subtitle. Perhaps something like "Into the Depths" would inject a stronger sense of suspense?

NARRATIVE:

The third-person omniscient point of view ( https://www.grammarly.com/blog/point-of-view/ ) allows your readers to witness the mental ramblings first hand.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

You have captured the effects of this condition exquisitely, right up to that last sentence. Having had contact with this situation, I was extremely touched. Thank you for sharing and shedding light on this situation!

Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com.

Let the creativity flow from your soul! *Cool*
Dave
"The Poet's Place " 
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