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Review #4752059
Viewing a review of:
 April Fools!  [E]
Play along now!
by Genipher
Review of April Fools!  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

It's April Fools and 2 young children work hard to play a trick on their parents.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the tricks! Totally age appropriate. It's a warm, lighthearted read about a sweet family with a hint of comedy.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person from Daniel's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: “This isn’t an apple!” he moaned and collapsed to the floor.


MY SUGGESTION: "This isn't an apple!" He collapsed to the floor and moaned.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "Daniel squinted suspiciously at the cherubic faces of his twins. His daughter had caramel smeared across her forehead, her hands, and the tray of apples she presented to him. His son had his own tray, filled with cake pops. Flour was sprinkled through his red hair."

This is the opening paragraph, yet it accomplishes a lot. It uses a good economy of words to paint a paint a picture in the reader's mind of young children who have just tore up the kitchen prepping "April's Fools" for their parents. It lures you in as a reader and you want to learn if they are successful.

After using the opening paragraph to set the scene, the author can now focus on using the rest of the word count to tell the story.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: in the kitchen

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

It's an ensemble cast with Mom, Dad, Emily, and Robbie

Each as their own unique roll to play in the story. Well done. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation/spelling mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase the font and make it easier on the eyes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title fits the vinyette well. This was an entry for the Daily Flash Fiction and the author did a great job working with the prompt and painting a funny family scene. It's a nice read and good chuckle.

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