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Review #4760494
Viewing a review of:
 A Rainy Day  [E]
My entry for the 7/17/2012 Daily Flash Fiction Challenge requiring no more than 300 words.
by LeviSamJuno
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#4760494
Review of A Rainy Day  
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

Short as it was, this was quite a scary tale. You used the limited number of words well to show the readers how frightening thunder and lightning can be - the young girl did her best to hide from it by covering her ears and jumping away from the window. There were strange shadows cast by the lightning, but there was something more sinister as well. I liked how you started the story with the underground creatures who used the soaked ground to make their way to the top. The main character’s imagination was working overtime at this point, mistaking the worms’ desire to find shelter for an attack. It’s amazing what tricks our minds can play when we are scared. You didn’t say how old she was so I imagined her to be quite young - old enough to be left on her own, but young enough to wish her mother was home. That’s not to say that an adult would have felt differently. Rational thinking tends to go out of the window in these situations.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I didn’t notice any errors, but I have a couple of small suggestions. It’s always nice for the readers to know what inspired a story, so I would suggest not only saying that this was an entry for the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge (which you have done) but also mentioning the prompt. As the contest is long over, you probably don’t remember it, so this is more a suggestion for the next one.

Also, I would suggest choosing some genres other than ‘Other’ which isn’t very descriptive. ‘Horror/Scary’ would be a good fit for this story, in my opinion, and perhaps ‘Nature’. It helps the readers because it gives them an idea what to expect when they click on the story.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I liked the story. The main character was very relatable, and the readers might have found themselves in a similar situation before (minus the underground creatures, perhaps) so they will be able to empathise. What made the story, for me, was the vivid description of the thunderstorm and the way the squirming mass of slimy creatures made their way towards the girl. It goes to show that the right words can make even harmless little earthworms appear scary! A good read; I enjoyed it *Smile*




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