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Edited
I've just edited an item in my portfolio:
 Dear Eve  (GC)
As Adams we spin violently in a mental chaos we never asked for. This is his words to her.

A couple you(s) and a couple I(s) needed to be verified. Made clear if you will.
In this scenario there are three. The one who loved the one who craved and the one who caved. A boy with his heart set on pure romance and a spiritual connection, a girl prone to helping those who need her, and a boy with a control issue and a deep passion for causing harm.
The girl was not torn she wanted adventure. She chose the boy who in time would convince her. The one who would take her in possession and control, every aspect of her life her body and her soul.
The kind boy he saw this and without haste, knew he must take this opportune to taste. He wanted something hes craved all along. The blood of the bad man killed by his own bones.
Through Stockholm syndrome the girl could despise, the boy who was kind watched with his own eyes. She took her life in the blink of an eye then he too laid down to die.
As a writer you have to capture the essence of a scene. One particular scene that is difficult to translate to paper is that of love making. For when i was younger i learned it as a beautiful portayal of how two beings felt about each other. It recently became a competetion. Lovers now are only out for themselves and the act requires a thick layer of trust and it does not come during the act it must come prior. Lovers are all about the game of it rather than the connection. A page could once read:
"He grasped her hand seeing the fear in her eyes and whispered comforting thoughts to her along with a securable kiss. she felt a wave of euphoria as the stars glistened in her eyes beneath the aquamarine of the atmosphere."
Now the page is darker and more insulting to compose:
"She held her breath and shut her eyes not sure as to weather the beast before her was everything she wanted or everything she feared. He smiled down at her as her keeper and she knew she must submit for in this game there is no time for innocence."
No one reads anymore but even for film its still the same.
What happened to romance. Why did everyone become so consumed in themselves. Do it for the story. Or dont... ill keep writing things my way. The world can evolve i will stay modest and write of the beautiful even if i must wrap it in a cloak of darkness to blend it in with the rest of this broken world.
But remember its all about having fun. Even if it causes long term crippling depression.
Telling ones self to calm down is like lying. You're telling them not to feel. How do you expect to get anything done if you dont bank on those emotions. There is a reason they call alcohol "Liquid courage" Emotions are motivation. When Im in a bar listening to the music and downing my second shot of tequila i can look over at the pretty girl next to me alone and sad because men suck and she and i both know that but also knows that humans are instinctual. The next thing you know her clothes are in my apartment and shes on cloud nine. The whole time all i experience is emotion. My mind begins to waver and my teeth have sunk in too deep. The blood streaming down my lips as i arch my back and stare up at the ceiling completely blind waiting for my sight to return and when it does she is silent and my sheets are a disaster. She knew the risks...
As a kid i remember being asked "What super power would you have if you could have any one you wanted." My mind immediately went to invisibility. As of course id love to be able to read minds to see how people feel about me or fly above the world to escape invisibility has always been my favorite. No one sees you coming. People fear what they cannot see. just as the world lived in fear of god and his invisible wrath they shall fear the man who comes in the night when everyone should be sleeping. You know they are not. They are too busy living life. making decisions. Smiling... i honestly love to see people smiling. But i love it even more when they cry. It displays their truest self. one that is broken and weak. One that will make irrational decisions. Make them fear me, have them quaking in fear. No one would blame a creature you could not see. all things would remain a mystery. The blood streaming from their wounds as i sit back in silence. their friends racing to the rescue only to see that, what it seems to be, someone doesn't want help.
Edited
My sister got married this weekend, while i was there i ran into her step sister. Lets call her "Miranda." When we were kids i really liked Miranda. She was pretty and i was obsessed with the idea of romance. When i saw her in her pink dress low cut revealing her maturity of a 22 year old. i being only 17 still developing both physically and sexual i admired her. My brother told me that when she was a child she was forced into some pretty intense situations... with her own father. I sat next to her at the reception and i spoke kindly to her. i was honest in telling her i could not recall many memories of her from my youth. I said i could hardly remember anything at all. Home life was kind of draining like that. Living the way us children were forced to live. such troubling times. I told her "The most innocent of us endure the most difficult of situations. it doesn't mean give up. it means preparing your self for something greater." It wasn't until the next day however that i actually began to think about it. The way she looked the way she held her self together. The way she looked at me out of hatred that i knew. I grew angry and my mind began to do what it usually does when I`m upset. I got lost. All i could think about was her and how much i disgust her. How much joy id receive from peeling back that beautiful soft skin. Listening to her scream as she begs for mercy but in the end i must take her life for someone so innocent does not deserve such a life. someone so beautiful should not stay here where there is pain. The way she would pull against her restraints as i choose and cut cautiously. i must preserve her beauty so that she will forever be seen as what she was. I could only imagine how it would feel to stare into those baby blues as they turn to the sky and go dry of their soul. Then again... that is just a daydream. One of my many, many, daydreams.
It takes a lot for a teenager to realize that their best friends will in time be older and mature people. While in high school everyone thinks they are important but once you get into the real world you will learn that life is a competition. a constant battle between men for domination in society and other means. if you think that money will take you everywhere you need to go you are wrong. it all just depends on the situations. Rich kids dominate high school because everything is handed to them. you will dominate life because you know how to handle things without mommy and daddy's money. Not only survive but thrive standing along side people who are equally as intelligent as you, not less. In the end its our kindness that defines our character not how many times we win. One day so many people will be dying alone in a hospital bed wondering why their grand kids are not there or why their friends didn't show up. Then they will remember: "I always had to win."
People are telling me they are worried, i dont understand why. Stephen king also writes about torturing people. I personally believe i am normal but others say different. Ive mentioned before that my mother says i act like a teenage Norman bates. My other relatives dont really see me that often but say i always have a different perspective on life every time i see them. Not entirely true i simply have a wide range of perspective and i can only show a little at a time. Am i okay? I am not sure. Are they okay? I know they are not. Humans are cruel every last one of them. The ones who do not accept it are the cruelest of all for they deliver false hope.
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