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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/acruzchampion
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8 Public Reviews Given
19 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by NOA
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello again,

I'm back for more...

Usual disclaimer applies, keep what fits, toss what doesn't.

I only have one major comment this time around. I love the world you are building and your descriptions are making it come alive for me a little bit more as the story moves along. Beautiful descriptions in a well crafted world. That said, I think, and again this is only my opinion not gospel, that the pace is still a bit slow mostly due to the backstory. My suggestion would be to trim it down to the essentials and combine chapter one and two. A few of the details/clarifications you have provided here would have been better served earlier. it would have helped maintain the readers continue interest in the piece and lessen the confusion. Backstory can always be provided, but doesn't have to come all in one big lump. Filter it through, giving the necessary info the reader needs without overloading (how does that saying go: 'on a need to know basis' :) ).

The ending of the chapter was perfect, in true page-turned style :) :)


That's all from me for this one but if you want any more specifics, please feel free to tickle me with a message. I'll try and help as much as I can.

Keep writing,

Noa
2
2
Review by NOA
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

I'll start with my usual disclaimer: all comments and suggestions are merely that and subjective to me as a reader. Feel free to do with as you wish; keep what fits, toss what doesn't. I usually do inline critiquing so bear with me. everything below is meant to only try and help.

Now that the 'legalities' have been addressed, let’s get down to business.


Wow, what a great piece of prose. The questions posed and assumed conclusions are ones man has been asking himself for all time. I loved it, from a philosophical perspective. It makes one question oneself whether or not we really govern our lives. And if not us, then what or whom?

Beautiful, couldn't fault it.

Keep writing.

Noa
3
3
Review by NOA
Rated: E | (5.0)
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