Hello, I like that you chose to share your experience.
Did you really go through with the change you desired? And what was the result of this change?
But I must be honest with you. My reasons for rating your piece poorly include the fact that there was almost no use of punctuation, especially in the first sentence. It was like the sentence wouldn't end.
Also, there was a quite lot of grammatical errors. This must have been as result of the lack of punctuation, which made your piece very difficult to understand. But I applaud you for taking the time to write this.
And I am very sure you'll get better at this with time. Please KEEP WRITING!
I like this work because you followed a particular context throughout i.e talking about your family- Mary's family. The first thing that caught my attention about this piece was the title,"Rain In Harmattan ", but reading through the piece I could find no correlation with the title. Also, there was a LOT of spelling and punctuation errors, which made it quite difficult to read. I would equally advice that you space your work neatly and by context into paragraphs, this would make it easier to read. While I wouldn't call this a story in itself, it's a quite vivid description of characters that could make a very interesting story. You are obviously a very good story teller, and I give you thumbs up for that. So, keep it up and KEEP WRITING!
This text is specific and concise,only noticed one grammatical error though. It should have been "Every thing around me was fascinating" or "Every thing around me was fascinating to me ". I like it, please keep writing. You express yourself excellently.
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