I really like the character we are seeing because it describes a courage but I am not sure " of me an not the circumstance" "my unique beauty I'll embrace" makes me feel the character stays in a bad situation. This makes me sad. However such great quips of high emotion create a great syle and force that makes it ebb and flow nicely. Great you are writing. I need to get back into it more myself. Thanks!
This is a powerful story and lovely poem and full of great descriptions. The last line brings the experience to the reader and is easy to relate to. There was a progression of feeling and wonderful expressions.
The line "greater than my sea of desperation, this awsome force could only be devine" was a great revalation.
I felt the reason for the pain; hope was the gift. I believe anyone would enjoy reading this and that everyone will benefit from it's message.
This poem flows nicely, I like the refrain. I think it does describe frustration and a deep need to escape. I feel the words convey a hopefulness and therefore is not depressing. This is what I like the most. The pain and tears will go away "by the Right of Night!" I do not feel it is about death. I feel a contentment behind the anxiousness. Very clever rhymes and images.
I have lived through an experience like this myself and the police found evidence my home had been entered. It is still fresh in my mind so this story brought a chill to my spine. We have never solved who it was but I am still nervous when I am alone, even though my home is secure now. This story has so many great elements. The descriptions are easy to see and feel. Nightmares bring eery sence forward and so did your story. Thanks.
I think this is a great short story for the Twilight Zone. I really want more at the end. I want to find out that he has some answers to all his questions, even if they aren't the answers he wants. Good job on descriptions. Would consider an alternative ending but I really love the story itself. It would make a super short film.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story because of the rhymes but I was also touched by the message that prayer doesn't have to be complicated. Each line flowed into the next with ease and I feel the writer made excellent choices for the rhyming words. The story flowed as well and it became clear that it was a day that made a big impact on the writer. The rhymes and layout were a clever and poetic way to emphasise the special message about faith and prayer for all readers.
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