This was a quite humorous look at being blind and well written. I would have liked to have known too if there were a more darker, emotional side to this story. Did you begin to feel at all what handicapped people may feel, other than the mention of having to stay in the car. I knew a blind man who walked downtown alone everyday. He came into the restaraunt where I worked and he was a true inspiration. Thanks for sharing your experience, I enjoyed it very much.
I think you said a lot with a very few words and that is very hard to do. The only error, if it can be called an error is to explain in a little more depth the characters and the interaction between this woman and man. Really enjoyed the prose though. Keep writing, you are good.
Let me begin by saying never put a description of your work as you did when you said not that great. Who are we to judge, ourselves or others, but certainly have confidence in your own work. This is a nice poem and with a few short words you expressed a huge feeling, unreturned love. Nice.
I can see some lovely ideas here but your flow has no rhythm. You repeat words such as (person in your mind. But in my mind,) where it would read easier if you changed that up some. The content is a little short, your readers can't get into the real meat of your work and so I feel like this is lacking. I think with some rework this could be a very nice prose. Just my opinion, nice work.
Lovely prose with a really nice use of adjectives. Emotionally touching I particularlly like your last paragraph. Powerful and beautiful. I don't see any grammar mistakes and content is interesting. Very nice writing. I liked it very much.
This is a great story with a lot of potential. You need to watch repeating words, for example, riches, you used a lot. Also, you say you had wealth beyond your dreams but yet you had to walk to work when your car broke down. I think with a little work and effort you could correct this subtle mistakes and have a very nice short story here. Well done!
Diamondgirl
This is a really nice poem and I could see you taking it a bit further; stretching out the evening with a bit more description. The last line of stanza two, although cute, kind of took away from the novelty of the rest of the poem. I like it and most especially like your description of the trees.
Ahhh...so very calming and peaceful a poem. Short and sweet is a good way to describe. I see this has been around a while but came up as a random read lucky for me!
It reminds me of a prose I wrote a while back called Image in the Mirror. I will have to dig that up.
I like how you know just how reviewers might or might not feel when reveiwing something they don't care for. If the writing is good its not so hard...it's when the writing is not so good that it hurts me to review. I look for things like bad punctuation and mispelled words and if I don't find them I just don't know what to say...of course I am new at all this reviewing stuff and so read everything interesting I see on here. Thanks for the insight.
This is too cute! I have a friend who is the same way and she really could care less! I enjoyed this piece and most especially liked your ending the story with the Hal being late for his own funeral, which of course is what we all say to those whom are always late. Thanks for a funny satire to read!
I didn't quite get the point of this story. So sorry. I think you your writing, at least in this piece, does not make good use of the adjectivies. The beginning of your story didn't quite fit with the middle or the end.
On a more positive note I loved the last paragraph. Your calling the air innocent was brilliant and I think you will only get better and better as you continue to write. Best of luck,
You give some very good advice here and I for one will look into putting the link for writing.com on my website. I love to google myself and see my website pop up! As a newbie here at writing.com I find it fast replacing my own page diamondwriter on Facebook! Now that's saying something! Have a beautiful day!
I guess it is like anything else we do in this life..we get exactly what we put into it and we pray we get what we need. Some need to write to be read, some need to write to become noticed...some write to hopefully become published and noticed...Congratuations on your success and I wish it to be a continuous event in your career, success...
As for your last last thought, when you arrive at where you want and ought to be, that is a deep deep question that throughout the ages man in general has pondered.
You cover a lot of time within this short story and I think you with a little more time you could have enriched the characters by making it somewhat lenthier. I don't know how to critique well, but I will say maybe you should watch your punctuation somewhat. But the main idea of your story is very very sweet and brought a smile to my face!
I can see that I will be reading all of this. You seem to know twelve year old boys...I am writing about a couple of teen girls and their Great Aunt and sometimes I have to step back and re-read because at 53 I sometimes forget what young people think and how they talk.
As I said, I can't wait to read all and will be doing so in the coming days. Glad to have met you and your work!
Dark and lonely this poem is a reminder to the reader that we all all alone at times. I love poetry but am not much of a reviewer. I only know what I like. Keep writing. You have a nice way with your thoughts and I can feel the pain and longing that you have written.
I really couldn't put the title and the story together in this short story. I didn't feel love at all but hate and anger. That may have been the writer's intention, but seemed very dark for the title. You seem to be writing as prose maybe? Keep writing!
I loved this! I am not a poet but do occasionally put one out there but can get the rhyme down. You did, and the meaning for me as a Christian, well it is special. Again, I don't a thing about reviewing poetry but I did appreciate this work a lot.
I'm not a very good judge of poetry and this rhymes fine but I think you might have gotten a deeper thought across without it. You certainly have touched a dark place and I wonder, is that coming from within yourself or from something that has happened to you in your past?
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