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9 Public Reviews Given
12 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Stranded  
Review by edwardb
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A wistful writing style that accents this piece perfectly. There is a strange kind of surprise to the ending since the story is absolutely predictable from the opening to the end if you know the end. The surprise is built into the fact that I convinced myself that it cold not end as it did and that is a very intriguing plot style.

The concise form made the unexpectedly predictable aspect a positive feature> I learned some things reading this story and I did enjoy it.
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Review by edwardb
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
The story reads smoothly and the dialogue is not bad, although at times it loses reality. I have been reflecting on the story and wondering why it dies not seem to me to be as strong as it should be with the good writing style and decent plot and characterdevelopment. It is probably just my personal perspective on this type of story, but I think that it is a bit too predictable. It might have more punch if some of the plot clues were moved farther down the story's development.

You might try holding back the mention of "bombs" until the very end allowing the reader to get a growing realization that it is real bombs that the three are carrying. There is also a reality gap when three bombs that they can carry and have been made by tenagers at their homes can level a whole plant or town. The story loses its reality for sure when that implication appears near the end.

This is just my view and probably someone whose age is closer to that of the protagonists might see and sense the story quite differently.

By the way, watch out for the apostrophe in contractions like won't etc. You missed a few which is very easy to do.

You have a nice style and seem to block the story well and pace it very well.
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Review of So Little  
Review by edwardb
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This poem reads well, like a winter view of a river valley from a passing car. It gives a quick glimpse of a mood and sense of near lonliness. The best feature is that except the last line it reads smoothly and flows almost musically. I found the last line to be a bit anticlimatic though. Somehow that point seesm an add-on and I feel that it should have been a necessary implication from the second last line. Mind you, I don't know how to do that myself, and this may be a somewhat personal comment from my perspective only.
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