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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/faithb4sight
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14 Public Reviews Given
14 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Storm  
Review by Wen Dee Bird
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have so well captured the emotions and drama that come down with a rainstorm! I liked the idea of the poem being from a tree's perspective!

My ideas:

I believe "loosing hope" should be "losing hope"

"Slowly at first, tapping at my branches and leaves,
Then growing stronger...
Beating on my branches, pounding on my leaves"
--
In the three lines above, I wouldn't use the words "branches" and "leaves" twice. Instead, perhaps change their second usage into something similar (i.e. boughs), or just emphasize that the rain itself is now pounding and beating at the tree.

God bless.
2
2
Review of Ocean Boy  
Review by Wen Dee Bird
Rated: E | (3.5)
You've very well captured the truth of sandcastle building - you build it to watch it crumble. Not only can it not last forever - it might not even last to completion. It's sad to see it go, but you soon move on. Nice word choices. God bless.
3
3
Review by Wen Dee Bird
Rated: E | (3.0)
It felt as though I were sitting and watching all of this transpire - well done. It's as though seeing the world through the eyes of someone both paying attention, yet not at the same time. The 4th line is a bit out of place due to length.
God bless.
4
4
Review of Death's Minions  
Review by Wen Dee Bird
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is really intriguing. I wonder at the idea that the main character doesn't care more about whether or not there is a hell, seeing as she may be the last thing someone sees before they go there.
Still, I like the characters and the mystery surrounding them. This could make a good manga.
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