Ah, flowers! If anything held the meaning of love, it definitely would be the wide variety of flowers. I enjoyed reading this, wondering which flowers you were going to use and how you were going to use them. Impressive and highly expressive! There are a few suggestions I would like to make, such as with 'pot-pourri' not needing a hyphen; and 'layed' I believe should be spelled 'laid.' I love the last line, by the way, it really completes and concludes the poem expertly.
I love reading your poetry. Not only do I find my heart racing madly, but I'm able to see what you place before me. In this instance, you have given me this perfect man, who I could envision from his very smile, to how strong he is and even how gentle he can be. So romantic are you!!! You are definitely a master poet, able to pluck at each of my heart strings, and oh so delicately. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
I found this to be a most intriguing piece. The flow was magnificent, which didn't turn me away. The word choice was great, too, though now I feel rather depressed--no doubt the emotion you're going for, so kudos on that. I like it also that I can relate to this poem, just as so many people can. Well done.
I must say that erotica is a genre that I have as yet mastered; whereas, on the other hand, you have definitely mastered it. The word choice was spot on, which could make even the pious priest want the Turk, so well done on that. The only suggestion I have is to watch your spacing, because I saw a few places that had unnecessary spacing. Oh, and... more stories like this would be nice. Welcome to WDC.
Well, hello yet again.
I apologize if you feel I'm a stalker, but I've been using the random button.
The word choice in this and the rhyme scheme remind me of Lewis Carroll, which I definitely mean as a compliment. I am curious as to how you ever thought of this piece, which is definitely ingenious? Another outstanding poem by you!
I really liked this piece. Typically, I'm not much of a dialogue-liking kind of person, but you made me change my mind with this piece. The interaction between the two was comical, but visual too, which is strange because you didn't describe a whole lot. You're definitely talented. The number belonging to the mortuary - definitely classic. I loved it.
H Holt
Suggestions:
"chick last night" bragged Chester. [would use a comma before the end quotes
also, with the name 'Pamella,' not sure if you meant 'Pamela'
I don't know what tempted me to read this piece, but I believe it has to do with two things: one) romance, which this definitely contains, almost as if each "she awaits" is a heartbeat; two) the fact it's definitely a Victorian vision, which you were able to capture by her actions--so ladylike. Beautiful poem.
I believe the title was what got me. I was tempted because I, myself, am drawn from waking just by the slightest scent of the brew. I'm drinking some now, and I must say you definitely captured the reason I get up in the morning. I can't get up without it. Wonderful tribute!
The way that you wrote this made me think of Humphrey Bogart when he played Marlowe, from his very actions to the way he thought. I think that's what made this a keeper in my book, the way you wrote it. I especially liked how I could envision everything taking place. I commend you also on your similes.
H Holt
One suggestion: "Monica", she said curtly [the comma goes before the end quote]
Well, this was beautiful. I like poems that make me feel something, and this one definitely did. There's only one suggestion that I would like to make, and that is with line 2. I think it would read better without the "of". The last line gave me this... plummeting feeling, like my heart had fallen into my stomach. Really beautiful. And SO romantic.
Although a short piece, the way you describe (and the word choice provided) were exemplary in keeping me glued to the story. The love that the young lady feels for her grandmother and through the knitting was well portrayed. The only thing that threw me off about the story was the change in tense. For example, "watched her hands" vs. "sit at her feet", both of which are in the same paragraph. Overall, a well though out story that could fill the heart of anyone I know with affection and love for the characters.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hholt
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 6:33am on Jul 04, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
