Your prose is filled with untapped potential. I understand it is stream of conscience, so there is a certain variable that needs to be taken for account, but I feel maybe you're waffling between a few good ideas. This is something I have a lot of problems with myself.
I'm not sure if you've taken the time to edit this prose. Being stream of conscience, you might be able to focus on the exact meaning(s) of your work opposed to conflicting themes. Of course, Kerouac rarely edited his prose and and poetry passed grammatical confusions and obvious spelling mistakes, and he was the creator to the stream of conscience beat poetry. I guess it's really what you want out of your work.
My favorite line in this is:
"Living in some clandestine location will not exclude you from the stones being thrown at mankind."
It's powerful and well worded giving it cool, "doomed Earth-children" kinda of feel.
For the sake of argument, you have taken a stance in your prose that seems a little out of sight out of mind. What I'm trying to say is you have found balance in the negative things in the world with the positive, and that's just the way it is.
Don't be so quick to dismiss those who are afflicted by our positive stance in life.
After all, no one in the world should be without clean drinking water, or fear for their children's life as they go to school.
And if that's balance, we must be in kingly luxury.
Anyways, that was something person I found in this prose, take it for what it's worth.
Overall, I like your work, and you have a existensial writing. Keep it up. Good writing inspires debate and questions, and I think you've done that very well.
I really like this poem, it contains a punchy meter and a true to life ideal that we all, at one point, must come to terms with.
The difference between this poem and others that attempt the topic of mortality is an honest resolution. That's my opinion, but allow me to explain.
A lot of times when reading poems about people's coming to truth of mortality, they are lost within many different emotions, and a severe lack of poetic manipulation. This poem however expresses the loss of Child-like innocence and death (or just coming to age), in a very objective way. Even though its in the first person.
Yes! What's more honest than dying, and that's it?
Beautiful. In the span of this review, I've changed my rating to 5 stars. I think this is simple, yet very challenging on many levels. Both personally and holistically.
I could talk a long time about this, but I won't! I'm afraid of boring you.
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