Story seems autobiographical, at least in part. The verb tense switches a lot; sometimes past tense and sometimes present tense. Numerous run-on sentences, some spelling issues but this can be fixed with time, experience and education (not necessarily schooling, but it does help). The use of the comma in place of an end mark (.?!) makes it a little hard to follow but the fact that you completed this is an accomplishment. The use of the 'bottle" as a metaphor works but it wasn't immediately clear and took some time. Maybe it was just me.
Honestly, I remember a time in which I wrote much like this; especially in my early 20s. Keep up the writing and getting better at your craft. It won't be long before you make the transition. Good effort.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kno1
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.18 seconds at 5:59am on Jun 30, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
