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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/leslieloo1
Review Requests: ON
46 Public Reviews Given
46 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I don't know what my style is, but I point out what sticks out at me.
I'm good at...
Pointing out grammar and spelling errors and a few plot holes if they are noticeable
Favorite Genres
Drama, humor, teen and young adult, religious, etc.
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, historical fiction (except for The Help), hardcore sci-fi, occult stuff
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Nothing too long; over a thousand words
I will not review...
Erotica, LGBTQ, nothing too dark, horror (if it's super graphic), occult/paranormal, nothing too sad Also nothing too long. Something around 1000 words or less are okay
Public Reviews
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1
1
for entry "The Perfect Story" 
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is such a cute story! I enjoyed it.

Since Jane is the librarian, why not call her "Ms. Jane" or something like that?

My favorite part of this story is this:

"Since we don't have what you'd like, would you be interested in writing it yourself?"

"Can you help me with it?"

"Certainly."

I love that Jane encouraged Beth to write her own story! It's beautiful!

Great job!
2
2
for entry "Nightfall" 
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ooh! Interesting story here. But the question is, will the potion actually work?
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3
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (3.0)
Interesting story. Is the student not allowed to have a name for the assignment? I know that the assignment deadline is probably already passed, but if it is, why not give the student a name?

I liked the hook. It kind of grabbed me and made me want to know where this is going.

"What the... Where is this?" The student mutters aloud to themselves, a habit that others would look weirdly at. The student marches forward, very pointedly ignoring the skeleton in the room and makes a beeline to an inconspicuous desk with dust conveniently piling on a bright red book.

So, is the student nonbinary or has a specific gender?

Again, interesting story. Thanks for sharing.
4
4
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice read! I'm assuming the prompt was inspired by Jonah and the great big fish in the Bible. That's what I assumed. You made some good word choices here. Good job! And congratulations on the win.
5
5
Review of The Jump  
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (3.5)
I love the message! It's beautiful!

I wasn't sure whether this story was a true story or not. I at first thought it was true, then it started reading as fiction until I got to the ending. And I'm wondering what the prompt is from. Regardless, you seem to be using it well.

I can’t catch by breath

It should be "my", not "by".

Other than that, I think this is pretty good! Keep it up!

Leslie
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Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Nice and sweet. I like how you used the words appropriately.

The head newscaster looks on benevolently from behind his desk. From his vantage point, he can tell she’s not wearing any panties.

I'm sorry, but this line makes the guy sound like a creep. Not very-gentleman like. I understand that it's natural for guys to look at girls sexually, but it just makes him sound creepy. I honestly would've shipped them if it wasn't for those lustful thoughts.

But other than that, nice story.
7
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Review of A New Start  
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I'm here to review your poem.

For years I searched

Shouldn't it be "I've"?

For the girl I lost.

Again, "I've"?

She would know t’was Me

I wonder what era this was set in.

Just one word, Pookie.

LOL! Cute name!

OVERALL: This is such a great poem! It's sweet and heartfelt! I'm so glad the narrator found his lover again! I'm happy for him.

Good work so far. I hope this is helpful! Keep up the good work!
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Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Cute story! The girl has a heart of gold. However, I spotted a typo in this sentence: "Dear, do you remember when there was a pandemic, and we salw all those doctors on TV, helping to heal the sick folk?"

But other than that, I think the story is fine as is.

Another thing, it's probably intentional you left the names out but it would be helpful to know what the girl's name is. And instead of calling her "the child", maybe "the girl" would be better because I assumed it was a boy at first. But, up to you. Good luck on the contest!
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Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful poem! And beautiful passage of scripture! I just got through adding references to it in my entry from another contest!
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Review of That Chair There  
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (4.0)
"They had big chairs and small chairs and chairs that have hairs"

This part made me laugh. I never knew chairs could have hairs. lol

"“That chair over there, that big chair that I see.”"

You've used the word "that" in the same stanza three times. I would delete the last one like I've shown above.

"A girl, a big girl, a girl who’s called Mel
Appeared out of nowhere, nowhere I could tell."

So, who is Mel? Does she work there or is she some other kid that's around the main character's age? When you say she's a "big girl", I'm assuming you mean she's older than the MC or a grown woman.

"I no longer could move, and no longer could speak."

Well, that's scary.

"Then I saw my mom, saw her look right at me
“That chair over there,” she said, “Please let me see.”
She sat and she said, “Let me think while I sit . . .
“So comfy this chair, I believe this is it!”"

I didn't know for a second what this all meant here until I realized or assumed that her son is now the chair and she thinks that the son is the chair that she needs.

Very engaging story. I'm assuming that this is message to kids that they should listen to their parents because parents know best. Maybe it's much more than that.

I'm glad I got to read this story. I'm not the best at poems, but this one was easy to read, probably because it's a children's poem lol.

But honestly, it's cute and besides the corrections I've pointed out, this was a very good read.
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Review of Also Yellow  
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a cute story! My favorite part is when you said that you didn't know that a color could have an emotion. However, it can have an emotional feeling, if that makes sense. For example, red can mean passion, but also anger.
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Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is beautiful. I didn't exactly know either that you could put labels on types of prayer either. But I am familiar with supplication and intercession.
13
13
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I love this! I love the twist that the rainbow and unicorn can have some negativity in them.
14
14
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good story. I was not expecting Carmen to be a dog. One thing that took me out of the story was the double spacing. It was really distracting.
15
15
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, this is beautiful! I love the song "Bleed the Same". It rings so true! And I love that you used your own words in a poem based on the song. It's creative! We should be reminded that we are all created in God's image. God bless!

Leslie
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Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thanks for the tip. Being inexperienced, I've gotten scammed before. It's not fun at all. I've keep getting calls from random numbers talking in abnormally high voices greeting me. Some of these scammers are obvious to spot. It's just best to block them if they are calling you or you can report them.
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Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Amen! This is a very powerful story. It reminds you that you can call on Jesus whenever you want and He will be there. He may not come when you want Him to, but at the end of the day, He is right on time!
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Review of Sleep  
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love the twist at the end! Congrats on the win!
19
19
Review of The Atheist  
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good poem about how people leave the faith! *Thumbsup*
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20
Review of Why in the World?  
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (4.5)
Love this! It's very thought provoking!
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21
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amen! Beautiful poem!
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22
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (3.0)
It's interesting how you describe the Creator (God) and how He (Jesus) died on the cross for our sins.
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Review of Thank You, Lord  
Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amen!
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Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this so much! It's true! We should all respect each other with the best of our ability. That's what Dr. King would have wanted. Fighting hatred with more hatred doesn't solve anything. It only makes things worse. Good writing, Peter.
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Review by Leslie Loo
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The last line made me laugh. And I was not at all expecting the doll to be a male, and I definitely wasn't expecting for the doll to be based on one of her teachers. When the Mom said that the doll "misbehaves", I kind of assumed that the doll comes to life or something. Other than that, I don't see how a doll can "misbehave" unless Sophia is making it.

Also, even though this is flash fiction, I feel like you should briefly tell us what the counselor looked like, or at least give us his name. We didn't find out his gender until near the end of the story. Other than that, I think that this is good writing!
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