Oh, if asked to with this poem I could certainly quoe a few lines that really bring the poem to life through imagery; I love it when a writer makes me feel that way. I think that your dark descriptions are extremely good and work really well. I preffered the middle stanza; the way 'Ss' sound just rolls off your tongue makes it feel kind of spooky!
Yep, certainly your average 'drama queen, perfect, I'm a doll' kind of girl you're describing within this poem. And I must insist that if this is a real person in your life, tug her hair and say no, because they're not worth it. I like you're rhyming scheme, it feels very different but I'm absolutely gagging for air now, as there seems to be an absolutely huge hate for any form of punctuation! Of course, as she's not doing any of her own homework, who can blame? :)
To be perfectly honest, I got slightly bored about halfway through. Not bored but rather lost interest. It just doesnt flow as much as I expected it to; the rhythm sort of get's lost. However, the last three stanzas were a nice change of pace and I actually liked them more than the rest of the poem itself. I could almost feel that they would work as a poem of their own.
I think you should take another look at your structure. Just a couple of changes in your punctuation would make it flow more to me but that's only my opinion.
I like your use of rhetorical questions and the theme of time, reflected in the equal stanzas. Pretty decent job. :)
Ooo, got the shudders because I liked it so much and the theme was right there. I absolutely love the mixture and language you have used to make this poem feel so comical, yet at the same time very serious. I'm not sure whether that's what you were aiming for but it works. The idea of 'Worms crawl in and worms crawl out' is rather funny and the idea continues but at th same time, it's really horrid! Like something you would expect you kids to be interested in. The first stanza holds everything together and I really enjoyed reading this. Certainly my favourite of the day. :)
Something about this I rather like, possibly the theme; it's almost like a dirge and so I'm a hopeless for that! I'm not sure whether it's accidental or not but I like the way you don't finish with a full stop after the words 'maybe forever' --that really works because you don't end it. It works with the theme and especially the idea that life and death just coincides forever.
A really interesting structure you have here-- brave, most people would not attempt, it feels more like prose. Do you have a reason for this structure? I love the idea of you constructing bridges; I'm presuming that this is your life and thoughts within you, or I may have missed the point because I don't quite understand some of the words in the second stanza (although i'm slightly ashamed to admit!). The is a really encicing element to your style of writing here. It feels like one of those films where you here no sound and everything is disorientated.
I've just realised, that today, I have been randomly picking your poems. How strange.
Anyway, back to the review. I like the innocence to this; make me think of childhood. I adore the stars and astrology, so I can relate to this poem, perhaps not in the same way but certainly enjoy it. There's a lot of emphasis on words within this, mostly beause of the structure, which works. I like the fact that it's spoken witin the first person. I always feel that poetry should be personal.
So true. I think were destroying the magic. I like your breakdown of stanzas; makes you pause to think about each element in length, rather than just driving on. Imagery is strong but not too dominating. I like the way that this poem is slightly shadowed. It appears innocent but it's got a dark nature. Good on you. :)
I like your use of alliteration and assonence on the 's' sound, I found it very affective. I did prefer the first half to the second part of the poem;it just seemed to lose its way a tad, however, at the same time, I found it really sweet, verging on fluff but in a good way. I liked the idea, it was light hearted and not at all like the usual dirge I read. There were a couple of interesting phrases that are quite easily stuck in the mind. Very pretty.
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