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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/marshman219
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Review by Charlie
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Love where you're going with this so far, the main drawing points for me aside from the fetish material is that, this is somewhat romantic in nature as well as erotic, I hope that it sticks to only hinata being affected by the scrolls, things would very quickly get out of hand and by that I mean hard to manage in any realistic fashion. There's definite potential here, and I would have rated higher but there are several spelling/grammar errors.

Orgasm instead of orgasim
Throw in the hands instead of through in the hands.

put in apostrophes to show ownership/possession, example her belly's instead of her bellys

taut instead of taunt.

That's about it, oh and I'd also love to see you continue the "mixing chakra makes you horny" plotline. :)
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