This is a truly brilliant story. You use such poetic language and such vivid descriptions that I was on the beach, seeing things through Thomas' eyes. I couldn't have predicted the ending of this story if you'd paid me, so many twists and turns. You would have gotten a 5 but there were words missing in places and some sentences did not sound grammatically correct. If you fix those parts of the story then your rating would definitely be a 5. Other than that this is a truly mesmerising story and I loved the ending.
This sonnet portrays what a person would imagine their first kiss would affect them, not just emotionally but also physically. You use wonderful descriptions. I love how you say "A hazy, crazy, crisp kaleidoscope ensnares your soul". Ensnares is such a magnificent word to use as it shows that you can't escape even at your very core.
Constructive criticism can help any writer to improve, therefore it is only fair to give some. This story appears to have excellent potential and could be quite interesting however, it lacks correct spellings and an element to draw the reader in and make them want to read more. My advice would be to add something to the piece that will amuse, intrigue or frighten the reader which could lead to them wanting to read on. You've made a good start though, keep it up!
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