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4 Public Reviews Given
10 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Marty
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, I kept reading all the way to the end. I think that reflects some good writing because I felt the character's frustration and helplessness and kept reading. The ending didn't quite satisfy me after all that frustration. I wasn't sure how the character felt about how it turned out.

Incidentally, I thought that the first person narration was well done. It conveyed a lot of feelings and confusion.
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Review by Marty
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Intriguing. You had me hooked and attentive from the start. I wanted to know more about the character. I could quickly sense his blindness and wondered what had happened.

In the end though, something gets lost. I don't experience him as taking in something and changing. I think you need to provide something of his inner struggle to keep the reader involved with the character and to be touched by his insight. I think that the way it is written now, you end up "telling" about a change, not "showing" it.

Overall, I enjoyed your writing and think there is something worth pursuing here.
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Review by Marty
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I was hooked right from the start. i liked your title and eagerly wanted to know more. The speaker and the woman were very alive for me as the reader. I cared about them.

The last part of the story disappointed me some. I found the paragraph where the bard reveals his identity rather unclear and confusing. I had to reread it several times. Once I got it clear I did not experience his emotion or motivation. Intellectually, I can follow it, but I didn't feel it.

All in all, I think this is a good piece. I enjoyed it and it stimulated some thought.
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