Excellent essay on Roger Federer and
he being your inspiration. Your
explanations of why he is your
driving image answers the question
easily. I enjoyed reading this essay.
Keep up the good work.
I would love to attend a reading for this short poem. Rating free verse highly because it doesn't really follow a form.
Discovering himself in the poem was interesting. Not sure I would call this dark poetry, its open to many different genres, I believe. Continue the good work. Poetry is not always as easy as some would think it is.
Nice story line. It did hold my interest even though it seemed a bit bumpy along the way. Some items sort of confused me and I had to read again to get the picture. "She was galvanized. Her body took on a rhythm of its own." Seeing the word galvanized caused me to think the poet was rooted or imobile then describing 'her body took on a rhythm of its own' made me think the poet was moving or swaying to the flow of the poetry.
I may have changed "I nodded in agreement. I didn’t want him to know how much I was actually enjoying the view at my side." to something like "Not wanting him to know I was actually enjoying the view at my side rather then the poetry, I nodded in agreement".
Toward the end describing the leaving of the theater would have been nice breakup for the conversation leading to his poem. Technically it could have lead into the poetic structure at the end of the story with the "I must have floated..." line.
With all the direct speaking above it, this last line seems to drop off or out visually. Describing more of the exit would make the flow more evident to the last line.
Hi there.
I enjoyed the story line and it gave me several places I could let my imagination run with it. As smooth as it seemed in few points it also seemed to have a few bumpy places. Some sentences could have been combined to facilitate the story flow. A few surprises along the way was like nuggets inferring that there was more to the story then meets the eye.
Technically the story was somewhat hard to read. I found with no breaks or paragraphs it was hard to follow in certain areas. I believe if you would increase the word count by expanding on a few of the open issues and restructure the format, this would be an excellent beginning short story. Keep up the good work, I would be interested in reading this again after its expanded a bit.
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