This is a fantastic short story. Your vocabulary and descriptions are very well put together. My favorite line is "Her voice was like a winter breeze, stinging his flesh."
Is this the only part of this story? You could totally add a beginning to the story that prefaces this as the ending, or you could use this as part of a turning point in a story.
I'm not sure if this is all, or if you have other plans for this piece of writing, but great work!
The world and Kareth are intriguing. Seems like it will be a good read once it is finished. Have you ever read any of the "Legend of Drizz't" books by R.A. Salvatore. He prefaces all of the chapters by using a reflection of the main character's thoughts. As you mentioned in the beginning, your book will not be written the way this excerpt is written. However, I think the stuff you have written has great potential to enhance the actual book if used the way I described. Food for thought?
Haha, this was a very entertaining read. I really liked the way you switched between Misha's thoughts and personality to her addressing the reader. It was done very well and didn't distract from the story.
You developed the personality of a 5th grade girl very well. From the constant interjections of "Ewww" to the crush on Nick Jonas, it all fit together nicely. Keep up the good work and I'll be checking out your stuff :)!
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