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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nwatson
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21 Public Reviews Given
53 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Our fairytale  
Review by MAbby
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked this. Your wording is different, it works.

The only suggestion I have is that you change 'Coz to 'Cause - or even the full use of the word, Because.

The wording in the rest of the poem reminds me of something that could have been written in another century. Old fashioned, in a way, so slang doesn't fit here.

All in all, Good job! I enjoyed it and look forward to reading more from you! *Smile*

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Review of Catholic Heart  
Review by MAbby
Rated: E | (4.5)
{color:red}Hi Lise!

*Thumbsup*I really enjoyed this poem. I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors, and I really can't help with the technical matters of poetry, but for me, this flowed well.

*Thumbsup*The experience of your mission trip, though you said it couldn't be explained was summed up in the last few lines, most specifically - Seeing people cry over new paint

Sometimes, to get the point across to the reader, you need more description/detail. But, oftentimes, when dealing with human emotions such as these, the most striking way to bring them across is found in the simplest of words, and you did a good job with that here!

*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Halfstar* Great job! I look forward to reading more of your writing!

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Review by MAbby
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I rarely know how to review or rate poetry. I write some myself, but I guess it's my age (33) or a strong personal preference towards poetry that rhymes that makes it hard for me to understand or fully appreciate free form poetry, and I have to admit, I don't know much about the rules of any of it. lol

But, that being said, I enjoyed this. It struck something in me. Maybe because I have a little sister who is a mother to three beautiful children - all of whom she left over a year ago, without really looking back. And, the relationships she's had, even the children that were born from them, all seemed to have been an attempt to find acceptance, a love of some kind.

Though, in all honesty, I don't think what's she's looking for exists. It's sad, and maybe that's way off base from what you're writing here - at least a heartache of a different kind, but it made me think of this.

It touched me, and I guess I know enough about poetry to know that if it touches you in some way, makes you feel something real and genuine, then it's good writing.

And, this is. Great job! I look forward to reading more of your writing.

Nonnie
MAbby
4
4
Review of Me And Brad Pitt  
Review by MAbby
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Exclaim* Hi W.D.Wilcox!! *Exclaim*


*Star*A very fun story! I laughed at some of the thoughts from both characters. Your transitions from spoken words to thoughts were smooth. The story and the characters were realistic and believable! Great Job!!!

~~~~~~~~

*Idea* The only thing I noticed out of whack was this sentence:

They shared the armrest together for the rest of the movie.

*Right* You jump ahead by using this sentence, when you aren't finished telling the part of the story with them in the theatre (or in their seats, for that matter). I'd suggest taking out 'the rest of the movie' and maybe putting something else there instead, or taking this sentence out completely.

*Star* Just a suggestion! *Smile*

~~~~~~~~

Overall Impression:

*Bullet* I really enjoyed the story, it made me laugh!!! You portrayed something that everyone of us has been through, at some time or another, well! Nice work!!

~~~~~~~~

My Rating:

*Bullet* I'm rating this at a 4.5. I didn't notice any spelling or punctuation errors. However, that could have been because I was enjoying the story too much~ (that's a good thing! *Wink*). I do think that with just a little polish and shine, you can have a 5.0 story here!

*Star* Keep Writing!! *Star*


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Nonnie/MAbby
5
5
Review of Find  
Review by MAbby
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Exclaim* Hi Drew! *Exclaim*


I'll say first that I didn't find any spelling or grammatical errors in your poem. Good job! *Smile*

Secondly, I'll tell you that I much prefer poetry that rhymes.

And thirdly, I'll tell you that despite the second, I thought this was a truly wonderful poem. *Bigsmile* I have a tendancy to get lost in poetry that doesn't rhyme, and I've been working hard to keep an open mind with free verse poetry.

With your poem, I didn't have any problem. The strong emotion in your poem kept me focused. It was touching, and while reading it, my subconscious was drifting to a time when I felt the way the person in this poem feels for another. I'm sure we all have at some point.

When something brings back memories and actually makes you feel right along with the character, or leaves you hoping that the person finds what they are looking for, to me that's good writing!

*Right*I think you've done an exceptional job! *Smile*


*Star*Keep Writing!!!*Star*


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Review of An Angel On Earth  
Review by MAbby
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Exclaim* Bravo(!!!) to a man that will write a poem dedicated to his wife! She is a very lucky woman!!

*Star*The poem was beautiful, well thought out, and full of emotion.

*Right*The ONLY thing I, personally, would change would be this:

The angels in Heaven constantly watch over,
guard over, worry over, laugh over, shed tears over
all of Mankind – always wishing them to do well.


*Idea*I might write it something like this:

The angels in Heaven constantly watch over, guard, worry about, laugh with, and shed tears for
all of Mankind - always wishing them to do well.


*Bullet*But, I have a thing about using the same word more than once in a sentence! LOL *Wink*

Take it or leave it, either way, it's a wonderful poem!!!! *Bigsmile*

*Right*Favorite Part:

. . .and God sometimes will grant them to live a human life.

These humans are special, displaying goodness from birth.
Those who know them come to call them ‘angels on earth’.
Envy me…for I met and made one of these angels my wife.


*Exclaim* GREAT job!!! Keep writing!!!*Exclaim*



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