Very nice, I like the bold and italic to distinguish the voices, and where one would normally make the more authoritative voice bold, instead the bold looks to conceal fear, and you went with italics for the authoritative voice which gives it a more sinister feel. I also really like the structure of your piece with the final line trailing further to the right.
As I said, very nice indeed.
That is brilliant! Your story had me on the edge of my seat the whole way through. I love the film noir telling aspect of it and the start is so descriptive that it drew me in without me even noticing it. It's visual and flows smoothly for the most part, it does stumble when you mention, "dirt frozen solid during..." I think maybe it needs a comma after dirt.
Also you are missing a word in the paragraph staring with "Jesus. What were you thinking?” I ask for the first time, then almost laugh out of the pure"
I think you should put the word "I" before almost, it helps it flow better, those were the only two things that slowed my reading down, the story was utterly enjoyable, FANTASTIC!
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