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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/philosren
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6 Public Reviews Given
10 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of True Nature  
Review by Black Wolf
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I liked the twist at the end, and the language you use is plain and simple, the same as your main character. I think it has a quiet build-up, however I feel something is amiss with the sister's description, that part is out of character with the rest of the story.

I loved the ending. Keep at it!
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Review of Monster  
Review by Black Wolf
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I liked your story but felt a little cheated. The description of how the character feels is really good, engaging even. I felt interested and wanted to know more. The sudden change in rhythm was unexpected and I was expecting a more elaborate description of the events leading to the climax. I also know you put a great deal of effort into the story and I commend you for it. Keep it up! I think you still have a lot more to say and, if possible I would like to read it when it comes into the light.
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Review of Math Gremlin  
Review by Black Wolf
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked the story, but at the same time the feeling of boredom and anxiety that the students are experiencing at the beginning of the tale, seems to permeate throughout the rest of the story. It somehow feels like you experienced this somehow. I can quite clearly picture you as the bright student but then the character disappears just when I am starting to get interested in Darla you make her vanish. The sudden interest in Mrs. Cluntz, seems rehearsed and not entirely what you had in mind for the character. I liked the story, like I mentioned before and I really would like to present it to my students, but I must ask your permission because I may need to edit some parts. I am a 4th grade teacher. Don't worry I don't believe in Math gremlins!
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Review of Subway  
Review by Black Wolf
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Good story! I commend you on your overall description and your hability to maintain a very claustrophobic atmosphere. My only reccommendations would be for you to read it a couple of times so you can see how many times you repeat some ideas. I understand you are doing it to maintain the sense of dread and despair but if you overuse it you desensitize the reader and disconnect him/her from the experience. Also, check some of the spelling. Otherwise you have the makings of an interesting and scary story. I would very much like to know who/what and definitely why.
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