This was beautiful! As a fellow geek this really did tug at the heartstrings, bringing back memories of first movies and childhood excitement. I share your sentiments and couldn't have said it better myself. May the Force be with you.
You have a great thought process and are very good at channeling thoughts into words. The next step to becoming a better writer is to chose something you feel strongly about; like family, issues, philosophy, and use your talent for writing to express what you think on the subject. What you wrote was good and had a very personal tone, but incorporating a main idea or message will help add meaning to your writing. Good job and keep writing.
While reading this I wasn't confused and didn't have to re-read anything so I'm guessing it's all good for grammar crap (honestly grammar gets on my nerves). Past that, I enjoy the way you think. This man seems to be your companion of sorts. As much as you've been controlling his life, I think he's been controlling yours. When you put him through whatever senario you imagine, it teaches you something about the world. You always have an answer to the question "What would happen if __ happened." It's interesting that you chose this way to experience thought. Don't worry about having trouble expressing yourself with words; you did fine. It was intriguing and thought provoking writing. Keep going.
Wow. That's a very touching story. The turn caught me by surprise. Even more impressive when considered this was written for a prompt. All in all it was excellent writing. I did not catch any grammatical errors. It would be interesting to learn what inspired this piece of writing.
Interesting story. A few grammatical errors such as, "new" should be "knew" and "little thing" should be "little things". Proofreading should eliminate any errors like that.
Interesting piece. I could only see one grammatical error and that was "fish is" should be "fish are". Other than that it's very well put together piece.
Wow. That's a touching story. Very well written. In one paragraph the use of prepositions made it difficult to discern who you were talking about. Amazing story all the same though.
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