*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sammer421
Review Requests: OFF
6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by SaMa
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!
What a wonderful, relatable little story. I think everyone in their life has been through this type of situation! Thank you for the read, keep it up! *SeahorseP* Sam
2
2
Review by SaMa
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is lovely. The colors and descriptions made these lines really feel!
Great job, keep writing!
3
3
Review of My Woodland Path  
Review by SaMa
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is beautiful. I can feel the essence of this poem as I too have spent many a morning walking along a woodland path.

"The very peacefulness shine out at me"

My favorite line for sure, keep up the great work.

SaMa
4
4
Review by SaMa
Rated: E | (4.0)
Skardle's The God's Tune Reviewed:

Hello,
Since you were kind enough to review my poem, I decided to stop by and read some of your pieces. I believe you have a wonderful vocabulary and an intense attention to metaphors. There are some great uses of likeness in your short story. The overall plot to the story is my favorite part. What a beautiful idea! I ascribe to the same mentality, to not fear this God of Death, but to see him as kind and endearing.

This was my favorite line: "After all, dreaming is sort of like dying, right?"
Very good.

I did want to mention some grammatical errors that you may want to look into. In the first paragraph, you mention " It pulled me in like the Sun calling you outside on a summer morning. " Here, you use two different voices, first person (I) and second person (you). This kind of throws the reader off. I suggest writing it something like this...
" I could think of nothing else but the door in front of me, pulling me in as would the Sun on a warm summer's day."

Another suggestion:
"His silver boots and gloves complemented his pale complexion and blonde hair like wine fills a glass."

This is a great metaphor but I think it can be written with a better flow, such as...
"The silver of his boots and gloves greatly complemented the paleness of his complexion and his blonde hair, as does wine filling a glass."

Thank you for sharing!
Keep it up,
SaMa
4 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sammer421