Hi BAD92,
I am a sucker for a love story! I get the gist of the story, but I would have liked to read more about Myriam and Ben's personality and how more about their feelings toward each other. Maybe it's me, I have to admit that I'm not into chess. However, I get where you're coming from showing how like interests can definitely bring two people together. There were a few spelling and punctuation errors, but I'm sure you'll pick up on those. I love your ending, love does conquer all!! Keep writing!!
Hi Ernest,
You better complete this story! I think it's a good start and you've got me interested. I want to see what happens and how this will work out! You've started out well descibing his emotions. There's always some nervousness and lots of anticipation when you are meeting someone special for the first time. The tension builds because he's bold enough to go over to Susan's before he even talks to her! You have me wondering how she's going to react. I can definitely relate to this story. Keep going!
Hi Ernest,
In reference to your title, your poem is like a crescendo. It starts off calm and by the 3rd paragraph, it rises with emotion, bringing the reader with it, then calms down again in the last paragraph.
Your descriptive words makes it very easy to visualize what you want us to see. I especially love the last paragraph. It tells of a beautiful new day filled with hope.
Now about the "Ouch!" in the 3rd paragraph. Does that mean that the dreamer was rudely and roughly awaken? To me, that particular word interupted the smooth and easy flow of those emotions we were feeling.
Bottom line though, it's a beautiful poem that you made your own!
This story really touched me. To me it was realistic because I know that feeling very well and I felt your beautiful words. Your story tells how you can love, but not let the person know how much they are loved. You never know when you may not have a chance to say what's in your heart. I love happy endings so I have to say that the ending wasn't my favorite part. But that's just me. I know, not very realistic, but that's why I really want to write my own romance stories and I can have as many happy endings as I want! James, keep doing what you're doing. You have a way with your words that I think will touch the readers heart.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sherb
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 8:15pm on Jul 06, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
