Wow. Just wow. I love the imagery. Honestly, it felt like I was watching a horror film at some points because I could easily feel the violence in your words. The way you use rhyme in the middle of your lines is very fresh and unique. There's a very distinct rhythm and flow, though it doesn't follow any rigid syllabic structure. Overall, I loved it from start to finish. I wish there was a button for six stars!
This is a truly inspiring piece of writing! I had a similar experience in my teenage years, and I think you did a wonderful job of putting your feelings into words. It's a very hopeful message, and very beautifully portrayed. You really have a talent with words!
I think that this might be easier to read if you double spaced the paragraphs or indented. Perhaps you could try making the font bigger?
Otherwise, I have no complaints. I'm really glad I stumbled upon this piece. Write on!
As someone who personally struggles with addiction, I find this poem very accurate. I can remember those exact thoughts running through my mind over and over again the first time I went to rehab. One thing I do think the poem lacks, though, is the emotional side of the journey. The horror associated with the realization that you really are an addict, the sheer terror at the thought of being sober for any extended period of time, and the hopelessness in knowing that sobriety is the only thing that will keep you alive. I really like that the narrator of the poem does contemplate whether or not the drug is worth dying over, because that's an aspect of getting sober that people who haven't walked that path could never understand -- some days, it really seems like the drug is worth dying over. Thank you so much for this poem. I truly hope your narrator will make the right choice. Write on!
This is a wonderful depiction of a 'numb' soul. When I say numb, I don't necessarily mean lacking emotion, but rather incapable of feeling emotions. I loved the visual of an intense emotion, anger, fading away into the gray, the numb soul. I also really liked the string of adjectives in the second line, because it gave the feel that the list could have gone on and on, representing the idea that there's no end to the 'grayness'. (I think I just made that word up?)
There was one line that I found difficult to understand or visualize. In line 8, 'Near to gone out as the scarlet is slowly covered in gray.' The beginning of this line confused me, and I'm not quite sure what you are trying to convey.
This piece really hit home for me, and I truly felt like you were describing my own soul. Favorite line: 'What I thought and what I hoped are lost in gray sameness.' This poem is beautiful and raw and painfully honest, and I'm sincerely glad I happened upon it. Please keep on writing!
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