She glanced over her shoulder entry

She glanced over her shoulder for one last look, but he never turned around. He kept walking away. Sadness overcame her, but she would not allow herself the luxury of a good cry. She would save that for the train ride home. There was still a chance he would turn around and come back. But that was unlikely. He had bared his heart before and she rejected him. She had been the one to close the door on the relationship. There was no reason for him to turn around.

It’s funny how quickly your life could change. Only a few months ago she had the world by a string. She was giddy about the future. Nothing could go wrong and yet in one moment, it all was all upended.

She was planning her wedding and finishing up a major project at work. The project was as time consuming as the wedding arrangements, but she didn’t mind. She loved her work and this was the project that gave her an opportunity to shine. If everything went well, that promotion she had been wanting for so long would be firmly in her grasp. She dreamt of wedding bells and corner offices. Life was great until that moment.

It was ironic, but her focus on the wedding masked the reality of the pending marriage. There were a lot of red flags in the relationship, but when she interwove them with satin and lace, they were so pretty. She reassured herself she only had pre-wedding jitters. Everything was going to be perfect as soon as they were married.

Then there was him, the other him. The one who declared his love for her in that moment. It was so romantic and dreamy and confusing and scary. This was not in the script. She loved him as a friend. Could there be more to this friendship? What were her true feelings toward him? She couldn’t even let her mind even toy with the thought. She was getting married to someone else. She turned him down and he walked away.

The days following were a blur. The project was successful; work was great. She was getting married in a few weeks and that should have been great too. But the red flags became blinding and there was not enough tulle to cover them. She realized her fiancé was only half the man she needed. He did not give her the emotional support she needed. Their relationship only worked because of the other him, the one that walked away. So she did the inevitable: called off the wedding, returned the gifts, suffered the embarrassment, paid the wedding bills but saved the need for a divorce attorney and started over. Alone. She couldn’t call him. He had already moved on anyhow. He had relocated himself out of her life.

Most days are okay for her. A few days are sad. But she is seldom really happy. Even the promotion didn’t mask her personal numbness. She knew this melancholy state was temporary, she was going through a transition and she would be happy again, so she wasn’t too concern about her lack of happy days. Rebuilding takes time. She would be okay.

Sensing the need to get out of her apartment, she took the train to the city early one Saturday morning. With no plans in mind, she sat out for a day to herself. She stopped for coffee, went to a museum and was browsing in a bookstore when she heard his voice speak her name. Her heart skipped a beat and her stomach flipped. Ah, signs she was still alive!

They talked for hours, went to lunch, walked around the city and had just the best day ever. Glee was returning. They never spoke of that night, but she was ready this time. She was a single woman and opened to love. As they the evening approached, he spoke of heading home and walked with her to the train station. Which train would he get on? Would he try to kiss her? Was this the new start she had been wanting? Would they pick up where they left off at that fateful moment?

She got some of her answers at the ticket window. She was heading east and he would be going west. She didn’t want to think this was symbolic, so she was still hopeful that they would make plans while waiting for her train. But when her train arrived, it was formal goodbyes. It was good seeing you; take care, congrats on the promotion, good luck, etc. And then he walked away. She glanced over her shoulder for one last look, but he never turned around.

So here she stood, by the train, knowing she needed to board. He was gone again. He made no plans to try to see her again. She didn’t know where she stood with him, but had a feeling it wasn’t where she wanted to be. Why couldn’t he understand that she had needed some time and space to sort things out? Why couldn’t he wait just a little bit longer? Didn’t he know what she had been through? Why couldn’t she tell him these things?

She was paralyzed. She couldn’t move. She watched the train pull out of the station. There would be another one in an hour. She should find a place to sit down and wait. But she couldn’t move. For the second time that day she heard a familiar voice call her name. She turned around and saw him. A tear rolled down her cheek and he opened his arms to her. They embraced for the longest time. Neither said anything, there was no need to speak. When her train arrived, he told her he would call and they would talk.

He stood by the train and watched her board. She felt peace. She didn’t know where all of this was going, but at least he wasn’t walking away this time.

[995 words]