Itchy Behind

Itchy Behind
A Song Parody Of
“I Will Survive”


While hiking through the woods on a summer day,
I took a dump and used some leaves to wipe my poop away,
But by the time the hike was through
I had an itching in my crack
When I got back
The itch had spread to my nutsack!

And so I bathed, in Epsom Salt,
I used some Calamine and Ivy dry, and Lanacaine, I thought,
I should not have wiped my buttocks
With the plant that had three leaves,
And It’s creeping up my backside, now it’s crawlin’ down my sleeves!

Oh freaking no, It can’t be so,
I wiped my be-hind,
With some poison ivy, DOH!
I should have brought along my poison plants field guide,
But I didn’t do it,
And now my butt’s paying the price!

Itchy behind, no peace of mind!
My fingers scratch, and spread the rash, I hope I don’t go blind,
Cause It’s inching up my face,
To make my eyes it’s resting place
Itchy behind! Itchy behind,
Scratch Scratch!

I finally made my way to the pharmacy,
The little kids and older people stared at me,
Through blistered lips I garbled, “sir, can you help me please”
The pharmacist, he glanced at me, and then he loudly screamed!

And so I limped, back to my van
(That pharmacist, he screamed so girly, for a man)
I’m sure I purchased every cure
For this darn poison ivy rash
Now my body isn‘t itching, but I’m very low on cash!

Oh freaking no, It can’t be so,
I wiped my be-hind,
With some poison ivy, DOH!
I should have brought along my poison plants field guide,
But I didn’t do it,
And now my butt’s paying the price!

Itchy behind, no peace of mind!
My fingers scratch, and spread the rash, I hope I don’t go blind,
Cause It’s inching up my face,
To make my eyes it’s resting place
Itchy behind! Itchy behind,
Scratch Scratch!