The Silly American

“Are there crocodiles in there?” I asked.

“Crocs? Naw… crocs don’t come up this way,” my friend Garth answered.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe I had asked a ridiculous question, but after all I was a “silly American” as I had been referred to several times since my arrival to the Gold Coast two weeks prior.

“You do have to watch out for the sharks though, this is a run-off from the ocean and sometimes the baby ones can get through the netting. Actually, even the big ones if there is a nice sized hole in it.” Garth smiled.

Okay, now I was frantic.

We were camping in Numinbah Valley and had come down to the lake to do some waterskiing. I wasn’t very good at waterskiing and I could only imagine myself bobbing in the water every time I took a fall, dangling there like a tasty treat for the sharks.  No, waterskiing was not on my agenda today. Instead, I would just be a spectator from the shore. Yes, that is exactly what I would do.

I began applying sunscreen to my pale skin while the rest of the group took care of the boat and began setting up for our day at the lake. I would get a nice golden tan and fit in a little better with my Australian beauties that all looked like an ad campaign for Austrlian Gold, with their bronzed bodies and pearly white teeth.

It didn’t take long for the group to be in full swing, playing it up on the water. My eyes scanned the lake as each of my friends took their turn skiing. I tried to ignore their laughter. I put on my headphones and rested on my back looking up at the clouds. The weather was perfect and I was enjoying soaking it up in the sun anyway. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth.

“Everyone has given it a go but you,” Garth said. I felt a shadow standing over me, blocking my wonderful sun. “You are going out on the next run, after lunch. We are getting out the water dog. You’ll love it!”

Water-dog? I made a face.

We ate lunch and I felt apprehension and nervousness building inside me. It was decided that Kathy and I would go out on the inflated water toy that pulled behind the boat first. I was a little excited because it looked really fun, but I kept thinking about the sharks. I pushed the thoughts aside and decided to just roll with it.

We took off abruptly as the boat sputtered to life and leapt forward. The inflated water dog only held two people. Kathy was in front and I was on the back. We leaned forward, gripping the handles tightly as the boat picked up speed. The ride was intense. We hit waves and bounced along the water. It was thrilling! We took a couple runs up and down the lake, each time going faster. On the third stretch we suddenly hit a gigantic wave, one that sent us flying up in the air. The jolt was so strong it sent us crashing back down violently. My chin crashed down onto Kathy’s back and then I was flung into the water. Down I went, touching the bottom.

I gasped for air when I reached the top. My mouth was full of sand. I treaded water and spit out pieces of debris. I tasted blood. My bottom lip was bleeding slightly. I kept spitting out the little pieces of sand in my mouth, when I suddenly realized that it wasn’t sand. The granules were bits of teeth. My teeth! I lifted my hand to my mouth and realized my fears were right. I ran my tongue over my top teeth and felt jagged, rough spots that were not there before. And I then repeated the process on the bottom teeth, only to find the same thing.

I was in shock.

The sound of the boat approached and a few of the guys jumped into the water. I heard shouts asking if we were “okay”. I just nodded slightly, and was helped into the boat.

“I think I chipped some of my teeth,” I said weakly.

“You came down pretty hard on my back,” Kathy exclaimed, “I think it’s bruising. Is your head okay?”

I didn’t answer her. I was obsessed with running my tongue over all of my teeth. I was counting. One, two, three, four… I counted several times over again. Nine? I had chipped nine of my teeth!!!

“Do you have travel insurance?” Garth asked. “You may need to go to the hospital.”

I just shook my head. What was I going to do? I tried hard not to cry. A massive headache was shooting through my temples. My jaw throbbed. And I didn’t have travel insurance.

“You silly Americans, I don’t know why you don’t get travel insurance,” I heard my friend Ange say. “Why do you come all this way and not think to protect yourselves in case something like this happens?”

When we got to shore everyone was crowding around Kathy and me, they wanted to know what happened. I wasn’t really listening as people were reciting the ordeal. They looked at us both with pitying eyes, and offered words of concern. Everyone was checking out the baseball sized bruise that was developing on Kathy’s lower back. I felt really bad for her, guilty almost, because I knew my chin had done that to her.

It was decided that we would not go to the hospital for the time being. My mouth wasn’t bleeding and I showed no major signs of injury. I didn’t argue. I just wanted to get some rest and to be alone for awhile.

On the ride back to the bungalows, Garth stared at me quietly. He had a lop-sided grin on his face.

“What?” I asked.

He leaned close to me and put his arm around me. “Hey, I was just messin’ with you about the sharks.”

Our eyes locked and we stared at each other for a few moments. I buried my head into his chest and bawled my eyes out.
A Silly American. And I didn’t care what anyone thought.


(G.M. 1980-2006)