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by MF
Rated: E · Article · Self Help · #2303246
A deep analysis of love through all aspects.
}}Matthias Fiore
There are many secrets behind love. The meaning of true love is a unique and passionate bond that connects you to another person alongside a warm personal attachment and a balance of healthy sexual desire. There are many ways you can love someone and not get confused with certain terms. Let's jump directly into them.
There are many ways you can deeply love someone:
Listening to someone speak can brighten their day and allow them to open up to you emotionally. This would be healthy if it also reciprocates back to you. The ability of reassurance is very attractive as well, to remind a person how much you love them and not be inconsistent with your love. Being selfless meaning not being selfish and offering your help towards their lives in any way you can by also understanding their needs and also communicating your needs. Accepting mistakes and apologizing means a lot. When a person makes a mistake, we can't necessarily blame them for their errors but rather try to communicate and see whether they truly are sorry for their mistake and the way they act after making their mistakes. Make time for some romance, whether it's for physical touch or long-lasting talks. The quality of honesty and integrity in a relationship is always telling the truth about how you feel and what you expect out of your partner. Respecting each other's opinions and also making time to love yourself and live your own life, but it doesn't mean that you can't balance your love for a person with your personal life, this means total commitment and allowing a person to enter your life and be a part of it. Laugh together, and share your daily routine, but ask your partner about their lives and allow the time to ask some deep questions to each other. Many people won't necessarily tell you everything unless asked a very good question. Compromise, be flexible, make time for them and that shows true love.

Complimenting won't hurt. One of the most important things is to act on each other's fantasies and be the person your partner wants to share a deeper secretive bond whether it's to text them in a romantical way or make them feel excited, it is very important to feel confident and know your limits to what you're saying and not make them feel nervous. Finding common interests in each other and expressing how you wish to be loved by each other is the sweetest thing ever.
Relationships fail because we need to be willing to give someone what they crave and need, not the thing that we like giving, because it is very easy to give the thing over and over again, through repetitive acts, that may be the thing we find comfortable giving, and we keep giving it. The key to relationships is to listen well enough, communicate to know their craving, and then give them that exact thing.
Anxiety and Love: Most people don't know that the reason they have so much anxiety and stress is because they have a dysregulated nervous system. Your body shows you a different world when you're in this state. People's voices become more threatening; noises become louder& the world seems like it's out to get you. Now consider that you've been living in this state for years. That isn't your fault, but you can work to heal your nervous system & reduce stress and anxiety. Love can be a big trigger for that and learning to explain this situation to your partner or whether they have it, it's important to understand them and give them all the love you possibly can.

Your body tells you that you're in love. It is like a drug addiction; it is like being drunk. Your pupils dilate, and you may feel a little sick. Being in love might give you superpowers. That desire to just become better and work more. This is true because love is a great inspiration to become a better version of yourself and if someone strips it off you, it can hurt a lot. Heartbreak can lead to the loss of appetite or overeating. You won't be able to keep your eyes off of your partner. Your voice might get higher. You will worry when they're not around you. When you fall in love, this will mess with your hormones. Your hormones will go out of control and erratic and bring you to the extent you would never do for it. It is important to understand your partner and be there for them. Your sex drive will be the highest in a while which kills depression but can instantly turn low and trigger anxiety.

Moving on to the tricky part is the natural stage where you feel like your love is diminishing. When you start having doubts about your partner, it is important to let them know beforehand and communicate with them. Whether they don't match a certain need you want or whether they aren't sharing a characteristic, let them know and it will be much greater. Do not just give up on your partner when it's been the start, give them time and patience, alongside effort. Acknowledge other reasons why you love a person. Some of these can be that you feel safe with them, that you both trust each other. Their ability to listen, they acknowledge your differences and still make an effort to you. A way you can communicate easily is by simply just talking about your emotions, identifying areas of conflict rather than keeping them to yourself, connecting through physical and emotional intimacy, checking in about relationship boundaries, and body language. They encourage you do to your own thing and whether they meet your own needs. A person can't immediately know what you wish for them unless you communicate more often. Seeing it every day, they respect you. A loving partner will share your strengths and desire to build yourself, strengthen your bonds, and grow together. You practice good communication and experience true love. If it doesn't feel easy to talk to them, you need to let them know. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship and being there for each other is the most fundamental need.

}"The terrifying thing about a love like this is that the same person who makes you feel so indestructible can have the power to shatter you with mere absence."

How do you know if you're in love? You're okay with making sacrifices for them, no matter how hard it gets, whether it's your time or sharing a part of your life with them. You feel comfortable being yourself around them. You can't stop talking about them. Thinking about the future. You want to introduce them to your friends and family.

Arguments in Love
Unfortunately, arguments will be met. Both sides will have their share of outbursts due to their own needs not being met. This is important to not give up or cut your partner midway through it. If you or your partner puts the effort or interest to understand each other's perspective, then that is called love. Ways you can make it better is by watching your tone and stopping bringing up the past. Whether it's words that you regret, you should listen to the other person and hear what they got to say. It is important to know why these arguments occur.

If you're dating somebody who has an anxious attachment, the biggest trigger for them is when you're inconsistent when you pull back, their needs are certainty and predictability and if they don't meet that, they're going to get triggered, your role is to meet your needs, just like their role is to meet your needs. Reassure them, validate them, let them know that everything is going to be good, and they're going to give you a love that you have never experienced before. They're sensitive, they're loving, they want to get close, they want to do things for you. Allow them to give you your needs.

Dating somebody where if you ask them how they are, and they say "great". It makes it difficult to get close to a person because you know that they have bad days and are frustrated. When someone puts that brave face where you can be everything for your partner, it's a selfish act because you're denying them the joy of being able to be there for you. As social animals, we want to take care of the people we love, and how dare you deny them the unbelievable honor of getting them to sit in the mud with you, it is a joy that humans get to experience, and it is the sadness of each other. Oxytocin, the feeling of love is a shared struggle.

Person number 1 will realize how many options there are for them, and person number 2 will want everything to work out. What happens? Person number 1 breaks up, and person 2 ends up heartbroken. Person 1, you should understand that the choice you did, isn't always the right thing, although you think the grass is greener everywhere else, it usually is not. As cliche as it sounds, it is greener when you water it. If you meet someone you find attractive and you have a good alignment of values with, trust, and efforts met, then try nurturing, nourishing, and watering that relationship. You'll be surprised what can happen. If you're worried about being person number 2, understand that heartbreak is part of love, you can't dodge it, outsmart it, or buy it. Instead of worrying about getting your heart broken, keep consistently bringing the best you to the table and you will eventually meet a person who will know how to love you and give the effort you deserve.

When someone loves you, they don't just walk out of your life. The people that love you are very hard to get rid of because they're invested in your existence, and if something goes wrong. They're going to try every single solution to remedy that situation, and if they can't. That's when they logically decide with a little bit of reluctance that you need to leave the situation. You need to let them go because you love them and you can't help them anymore. You tried your best.

Don't be so hard on yourself, don't always be the one that has to understand others, and always save relationships. You wish someone would make the effort to understand you and fight for you to keep you around. Yes, it would be nice, even once if someone can look you through your eyes and comprehend the intensity of your emotions. Connection is craved when someone not only empathizes with what you feel but is also afraid of losing you, and I hope you meet a person willing to fight for you. If you do find or currently are that person, acknowledge them and keep them forever and make sure to communicate well with them. Appreciate them.
An ex may not come back, but they think that a new relationship gives them a clean slate and so some people feel like it's safer there, when it is not. Although there are no flaws yet, even if they reconsider going back to an ex, they won't because it is risky, and requires too much work. You think that you need to resettle elsewhere because it is a fight. If you don't require a fight and try to repair it. A relationship could be fulfilling, it's very hard to accept, but it doesn't mean that you need to rebound. If someone can't acknowledge your true worth and potential then they aren't for you. If a person doesn't stick with you when it gets bad, then that will fail. You should feel grateful to yourself for trying so hard.

When you let them go, you don't just lose them, you also lose the plans you had, the hopes you had for the future, and the expectations you built together, you lose a part of yourself, there's a big part of you that changes, you that existed when you were with them, that person can never fully come back, at least not in the same way. It's an identity crisis, and it is sad, it's not just about missing them but mourning a part of yourself that you lost along the way. It's okay to feel broken when a relationship doesn't work, it's a testament to what you had, and the impact that it had on your life, for better or for yourself, it takes time to rediscover who you are inside and outside of that relationship. It's all a part of the process.

Avoidant people are severe in their fears of commitment and intimacy, they start shutting down and lose all their feelings. Their trauma is being activated. They might not think that they are not suited for you, they think you are marriable, or they might not feel that you're the right person for them. The real reason is that they feel incredibly anxious committing to you and they're scared that if they get with you, they're not going to meet your expectations and that you'll leave them. They would feel caged and terrible and not ready for relationships. They are like this when they get into a relationship with someone they like.

From experience, rather than trying to force a connection, or being frustrated that your needs aren't met. You need to care about the other person, respect their decisions, give them their own space, and not obsess. You just need to be patient, and also try to let them know that everything will be fine. However, you need to ask if you're ready for a relationship by asking yourself these questions:
Why do I want to start dating?
What are some struggles people have with me?
How do I want the other person to make me feel?
Am I ready to commit to a relationship?
Does this person bring the best out of me?
Maintaining a healthy relationship:
Clarify what you're open or not open to compromise on, show interest in each other's interests, pause before reacting when you're upset or if you do get upset, let them know why, and let the person listen to you and try to make the effort to understand on why you felt that way. Separate facts from interpretations, despite the frustration. Understand and support each other's ambitions. Celebrate wins and milestones together. Acknowledge your partner's efforts, even if they're not doing things exactly your way. Remember that growing at different paces or in different ways isn't automatically a red flag. Acknowledge what your partner says before sharing your point of view, feeling heard opens conversations. Choose each other over and over again rather than anyone else over them. No relationship is perfect, feelings come and go so staying together is a choice. Make time for regular check-ins.

Don't let a person ever question themselves and give them the right to blame themselves for acting the way they did, apologizing for their feelings. If you have a problem with your partner, let them know instantly rather than being vague and letting them guess or go into a state of fog and confusion. It will hurt a lot. Never make fun of your other half in front of everyone else, and rather defend them if it was meant to be. If you see their efforts but are losing feelings. Let them know, you can find a way to fix and work it out. Love isn't about it.

Never make the other person feel so low, for asking for reassurance, or figuring the healing process out. Be willing to make changes to the things you've been doing that have not been serving you, understanding and knowing yourself.

Be honest. Don't tell them you're doing fine if you're not, and don't randomly leave with the fear that they will leave you or that their expectations of you will lower. Communicate your needs, be kinder to the other person, acknowledge their feelings, and let them speak. Communication is the healthiest way you can love someone.

Receiving love is easy, but you can also reciprocate it. Share each other's goals. The point of love is to love each other in the tough times, and if you're not mature enough to love a person or open up to a person about your tough times then that is not love and is infatuation or lust.

Infatuation is an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone, whilst lust is the sexual desire for a person. Love goes beyond these, love is when you know all of these have passed but you still love the other person later on and still want to care for their emotional needs, and still try to work things out by still trying to make an effort. The key to a future healthy marriage is to understand that you're incompatible, but effort and patience are more important than giving up on a person.

Receiving love requires being patient with each other, no matter how hard it gets, and always believing in your other half. Appreciate their efforts of wanting to keep you and always be ready to sacrifice your ego, pride, and dignity as it's super important to receive love. If a person loves you, they will fall in love with your problems and help you heal or be the person your inner child would've felt safe with. You shouldn't need love, you should want love.

I don't need you perfectly healed, I only need you willing, willing to grow, willing to build, willing to learn, I don't want to be your prince charming, I don't want to be your knight in shining armor, I want to be your partner in crime. The one you conquer the world with. You see that's the point I don't want to be the one who saves you I want to be the one that helps create the safe space that allows you to save yourself. The space that allows you to become the best version of yourself. Just like I would want you to do for me. Otherwise what the hell are we doing? I think that's what a real relationship is.
An avoidant doesn't deserve to be given up on. They face childhood issues where they had to learn to act a certain way to feel loved and accepted. They initially match your boxes, but then start to slowly fade away and leave with a vague answer. Avoidants deserve someone who can truly still make the effort to talk to them, not forcing them, but still showing them that they are willing to understand them and give them the reassurance they want.

However, an avoidant must also understand how important it is to care for other people's needs as well. A person communicating their needs or asking for their love to be reciprocated isn't necessarily needy but rather someone who cares for you and truly finds you good enough for them and they are willing to go all the way no matter how long it takes for you to heal.

If you know someone who shares avoidant issues, please give them support and make them feel better. Let them talk out and vent their problems, and I hope they feel like you're a priority to them and don't make them think less of you.

The most common relationships are avoidant and anxious attachment types. Never give up on either, and understand how real maturity and communication can fix a lot.

These have all been learned from experiences and mistakes, but don't let it get to you. Understand it and give yourself time to feel. It hurts when you can't fix your mistakes. It hurts knowing I fucked up; It hurts knowing how much I wanted to be there for that person. It hurts knowing I could've made a better impression. I didn't want to break your heart, but I realized how much I loved you. I can't obsess, I can't just jump into another, I can't force you. It hurts knowing I was the reason it ended. It hurts knowing I could've been so much better to them. It hurts going from feeling you have the love of your life. It hurts the fantasies you shared. It hurts not being the one to be there for them forever. It hurts so much knowing you made them lose feelings for you. It hurts when you could've been everything to them and wanted to try everything to regain their trust again. It hurts deeply, but don't be so hard on yourself. It hurts not being there to celebrate things with you or if I see you giving somebody something that you wouldn't give to me, accomplishing the goals we were meant to accomplish together. It would hurt. I'm not your friend. I'm something else, but being strangers is hard.
We deactivate, to avoid feelings and feel like we're doing the best decision when it isn't.

Love isn't just a feeling, love is created. A bond is maintained, your feelings go away and that's where the love starts at. Working your way to the top can help you reach your potential. The point of finding a partner who is a good healthy match isn't so you can enjoy a carefree partnership that doesn't trigger your relationship issues. It is to find someone you feel safe enough to be triggered by so you can do the hard work of breaking unhealthy relationships patterns, together. Real love keeps trying forever, no matter what until a solution is found, but you need to be able to let go, of the boundaries and respect the decision.

Deep meaningful conversations can be scary for avoidants, when you build these bonds and walk away, it can add to trauma and feeling not good enough. It's a built-in protective mechanism that kicks in. Someone with an anxious attachment style is someone who listens, they are great gift givers, and they have incredible memories, to build strong bonds, you've got to open up yourself and give love. Love is bound to trigger all of your emotional traumas, it is not the other person's fault, but rather the situation and triggers everything back to you and questions your worth.
Keep the spark alive:

1. Define & constantly redefine the purpose of your relationship. So you catch misalignment early!
2. Appreciate the other, even the smallest things matter.
3. Emotional intimacy is based on sameness, attraction is based on otherness, and spending enough time apart is crucial
4. Dates, get ready for each other & plan something that takes you out of the daily routine, and trust them and the process.
You will never be too much for someone who can't get enough of you.

Questions to ask for trust and vulnerability:
What's something you have a hard time opening up about?
Have you ever felt like you disappointed yourself? Why?
Are you scared of being lonely?
Harsh truth:

Stop talking about your relationship with other people, form a two-handed circle, and don't let anyone into that circle, don't let your mother or friends in. When there is a problem in a relationship and you reach out to other people instead of your partner, you're asking for their advice because you want someone TO AGREE WITH YOU. You want someone to TAKE your side, and why wouldn't they take your side? Your people are always going to choose you over your partner and you're always going to be your parent's kid in your eyes. Including other people when you need to sort out things within your relationship is not going to give you an answer, it will give you a problem. You and your partner are the only people that are 100% in it, so form that circle and keep it tight. Don't let anyone else in.: THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS. SEEK HELP IF YOU'RE IN A PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. This doesn't mean you can't ask for advice from your friends, but if you are in a relationship it is important to learn to prioritize yourself and your important loved one before seeking counseling.

Love isn't confusing, is a feeling that only you can understand. The healed man won't chase you, he will pursue you. You feel him, you feel that strength in him, the power in him, the safety, he will draw you in, and he will make you feel safe. You found safety and confidence in yourself so you can spot it. When you find true love and safety in yourself you will spot it in another human being. The healing process will make you understand better, and it can take two to heal.

If you let him know that they're a priority, and remind them how much you care, you will be amazed how many problems just disappear from the relationship.

Never force a woman into love acts, always ask. They have their physical problems and learn to respect their boundaries. Let communication be better, but it is important to communicate your needs! When a man can listen to a woman's feelings, despite the anger and frustration, he gives her a wonderful gift, he makes her safe to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood. The more she's able to give a man the love trust and appreciation and encouragement he needs. It's a harsh truth but experience helps you learn it.

The best relationship is the one where you can be silly and 5 minutes later be having a deep conversation.
There will be times when you get obsessive thoughts, but you need to learn to control them. It is a form of love, but you need to always respect the other person's decisions and boundaries. Let go of them, and find someone who can understand you and make your thoughts feel safer. Don't let someone tell you that you're hard to talk to or hard to love.

Never give up on anyone, always give them time. Never expect love to be perfect, or without flaws. 2 young kids trying their best at love, your grandparents didn't give up on each other. Be the reason, someone believes in love again, show someone how valuable they are.

In a healthy relationship, you don't need to be involved in every part of your life. Independence is important, develop out of your relationship, but never leave each other and make it easier to talk to each other.

Imagine being with someone where you can be your ugliest, and they look at you and say "I still love you." Create a space where your woman can just be dark, messy, and ugly, bring all of her chaotic stuff off their surface which is her beautiful feminine energy, and let it out, there is nothing that is going to stop me from loving you.

The health of your relationship will come down to how comfortable you can get having uncomfortable conversations regularly.
Matthias Fiore

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