Across the street

The earliest memory I have singing was around my 8th birthday. I used to listen to a Spanish song that was about trees and loving women. Till this day, I'm unsure of what the symbolism behind the song really was. I sang that song in front of my family and as the years progressed, I started to sing at almost any events where there was food involved; BBQ's, holidays, family gatherings, etc. It was always singing over karaoke with a speaker and my voice at hand. It was never too serious. I was always told to pursue singing because you never know what can happen in this life. However, I chose to keep this thought of actually "making it" behind my head and moved forward with my career in the medical field. Still continuing to sing mostly in the car to and from school/work, I actually started to notice a difference in how my vocals were becoming. My voice was deeper, so I couldn't hit the higher notes that I used to hit, however, I started to improve in tone, started to sing different harmonies, I also had started to pick up guitar, so I was able to sing along to a few chords. Singing was now considered a hobby of mine which I was too embarrassed to share to the world. I'd spend the next 5 years worried about what the public might think and hid my voice from the ears of the outside world.

Throughout my journey in becoming a physician, helping people was always in my mind. At 18 years of age however, I wasn't thinking specific details in how I was going to be the savior of these people all across the world, I just knew that it has to be through years of medical school. My broad decision making put me into a college where I was able to take pre requisites into getting closer to my goal. One of the best decisions I made was changing my major to nursing. Why nursing is the question I'd get asked a lot. I always say the reason for coming across nursing was to really see what the medical field was all about. I wasn't going to invest 10+ years of my life into a career that might not had been for me. However, I now look back to my lies and I don't think I ever made that decision. I remember my parents pushing me to go through nursing. What was their gameplan? We'd have these discussion on the table and it basically was the American dream of life. Graduate from 4 years of college, find a sturdy, well paying job, buy a home, and find the opposite sex to repopulate and bring life back on Earth. There is no excuse as to why I didn't fight back and let them know it was my life not theirs. Although, I never did that exact action, I felt too comfortable in life and decided to listen and move forward in school to become a nurse.

After graduating and immediately getting a job afterwards, I never questioned the security of my job. However, after the first year of working, I did have a large question in my life, "Am I really going to do this for the rest of my life?" I'd ask many nurses all around and it would hurt me to hear that they had been doing nursing in the same position in the same unit in the same hospital for 10+ years, living paycheck to paycheck. I had a nurse complain how it was hard to pay back the IRS $4,000 with an income of $120,000/year. I felt discouraged and an ugly feeling about my future arose. Was I really going to become a nurse who tells others that he had been in this job for 10+ years? Although there isn't anything wrong with working for years on something you're passionate about, I felt that there was no room to grow in my position. Nursing in my opinion wasn't really helping patients. Of course you treat patients and as per doctors orders make them feel better, but I just felt I was going through a cycle of waking up early, giving medications, and clocking in and out to repeat the same process over and over until you're able to retire and spend the remaining 20 years resting. I wanted much more as I continued to look deep into my future that only I was able to control. I needed a plan, a way out, a sign to free me from this prison I call my job.

The thought of actually picking up the guitar and performing in front of others was an unbearable action to take.