Dear Cornelius-Still In Love Entry

Dear Cornelius,
I know this may seem strange to be getting a letter from me after all of these years. Please bear with me by reading this letter to the very end, just like my love has been and will always be for you. I got in contact with you by begging the news anchorwoman to give me your address that day she featured you all working on the oilrigs. She wouldn’t because of confidentiality reasons, understandable for sure. But, what she did for me was took my letter, the put your address on it for me, and then dropped it in the box. I must say, that took a lot of pride swallowing, but for you, I would do anything just to let you know how much I still love and need and want you back in my life.
I know that I played a lot of childish games that ultimately lead to this. For that, I can only share with you how I have paid dearly for those days that I made you miserable. My head was all messed up, confused by many circumstances revolving around personal issues. I wont bore you with the details unless you ask me to share them with you. I will tell you how I have paid though.
After we split, I went on to marry someone else. The day I said “I do” to my husband, I cried all night for you. I pretended to have a headache because I couldn’t bare the thought of him and not you. I tried to reason with myself, telling me that if it were meant to be, it would have been. That didn’t work for long. Every time my husband attempted to caress me, kiss me or otherwise, he could feel my body quiver in contempt. I managed to convince him that I was just nervous about marriage and that things would be okay.
Well, baby, 'things' never were. I was never true to him because all I could think about was you. When he went away to the Air Force, I tried so desperately to contact you. Your family was so angry with me for leaving you a sad and broken man that they refused to deliver any messages and they intercepted all of my letters. The very thought of you hurting left me in such agony that I only wanted death. Of course, I didn’t physically do it, but my life has been like death without you. Each day without you, another piece of me died. My heart beats very slowly now and you are the only one to raise my pulse. You are my pulse. Can you feel me?
Let me explain to you why I stopped looking for you. I was driving down the highway one day when a truck passed me, startling me out of the daydream I was having about you and I connecting again. I lost control and ended up in a deep ditch. God was with me. I only broke my arm and fractured my ankle. When my husband found out about the accident, he rushed to my side, like a good husband should. There was no need for me to take birth control with him being away on duty for the year he was supposed to be gone. When he came back, of course he wanted his wife. I was impregnated by this matrimonial act.
I knew then that I needed to stop pursuing a relationship with you. As much as I loved the fertilized seed growing within, I knew that it should have been yours. I cried and I cried and a little bit more of me died. I knew that it was only fair for my child to grow with his own father’s love. I stayed in that marriage only for him. Things worsened with us and now we are divorced.
When I was in divorce court, ten years later, you were still in my heart. I knew that part of the reason our marriage failed was because my heart was really someplace down in the bayou, looking for you. I cringed to think of the time that I had wasted loving someone else, you loving someone else when it should have been our love, our child, our house, car and everything else. I cringed at the family dinners that you should have been the headman carving the turkey at, toasting and making speeches to. I cringed at all of those wasted kisses that really belonged to you.
The year that my husband and I split up and I moved back there was the best year of my life. I was able to be around you. I know that our relationship was platonic at that point because you were married. I could only respect that and would have never done anything that would jeopardize your happiness. It was so hard to be only your friend. It was certainly hard to help you pick out gifts for her, since I was your friend. But, since you two have split as well, I just have one question for you; do you still love me the way you said that you’d never stop, no matter what? Do you think of me the way I do of you, each and every breath I take. Do you wonder what our four children would have looked like if they had been conceived of us? Do you wonder what it would be like now to hold me, the way I am wondering right now? When you pray at night the way we used to, do you ask God to lead us back together?

Please call me: 414-555-ME4U.

I love you, and will never stop,

Sugaree