42. Consequence

There are weird red splatter patterns in the sink as Kai washes it off his hands.
He didn’t know blood had a smell before today: sharp and slightly metallic, mingling with the tang of antiseptic that fills the halls of the hospital. Kai’s recently emptied stomach turns somersaults. He’d never thought of himself as someone who got sick at the sight of blood. Maybe that was because he’d never experienced something like this before.
Like watching his older brother bleed out in front of his dorm.
Em had been one of the medical personnel waiting for them outside the hospital. Rather than bombard them with questions about why they were back at the hospital for the second time in less than a week, she simply ordered that Jet be placed on a gurney and taken to the ER. Kai had stayed as close to the gurney as possible when they rolled Jet down the hall. The more he said his older brother’s name, the sooner Jet would open his eyes.
They wouldn’t let him in the operating room.
He’d run to the bathroom to throw up shortly after Jet was taken into surgery.
My fault, my fault, my fault…
The words reverberate like a mantra in Kai’s head, feeding the knot of guilt that builds up inside him. He needs to talk to somebody--somebody who will understand. Kai’s fingers fumble as he unlocks his phone and he dials the number without really thinking about it.
“Yeah,” Luca sounds wide awake, which shouldn’t be surprising because he’s been working tonight.
“Luca,” Kai swallows hard against the bile rising in his throat before saying the words aloud. “I screwed it up. I don’t know what to do.”
“Where are you?” It’s the second time Kai has been asked that question tonight, but Luca’s voice is calmer than Zone’s had been.
Kai takes a shaky breath before answering him. “H-hospital. With Jet. I’ll send you the location.”
Luca’s voice sharpens. “Is he ok?”
“No.” Kai closes his eyes, swallowing hard. “No, he’s not. I--”
“Are you ok?” Luca’s question is rhetorical, but Kai is glad he asked it anyway. Luca is the first person to ask him that tonight. “Kai?”
“No.” Kai’s voice cracks. “I’m not.”
“Send me the hospital’s location.” Luca instructs him. “I’ll be there soon.”
Kai hangs up, sends Luca the location, and goes back out into the hallway. Mali, Zone and Kit are still outside the emergency room. It’s clear from the looks on their pale faces that the news about Jet is neither good, nor bad. Kai chews on his bottom lip, and takes a seat, clasping his hands together in his lap so they don’t shake. The only sound is Kai’s slightly ragged breathing as his thoughts match the ticking of the clock on the wall.
My fault, my fault, my fault…
“Hey,” Mali puts a steadying hand on Kai’s shoulder. “Jet’s going to be ok.”
“There was a lot of blood.” Kai looks down at his hands, red from scrubbing. “A lot.”
“And Em’s a pro.” Zone’s attempt to be optimistic falls slightly flat. “She took care of you, and now she’ll take care of Jet. You don’t have to worry.”
But he does.
Kai shrugs Mali’s hand off and goes to sit on one of the plastic chairs close to the emergency room doors. He presses his hands to his temples, trying to force his breath to come normally. He does need to worry. He needs to worry about what Nail’s phone call actually meant, and what Chalam’s next move will be. He needs to worry about the things he told Jet—about their parents and why the hell they were in this mess in the first place. He needs to worry about doing the one thing that Jet asked him to do.
“Call me ‘Hia’…because I’m your older brother and that’s how you should address me.”
And Kai had countless opportunities before now, but always refused, because he was still angry, and stubborn and terrified that in spite of everything Jet still might disappear. Now, when that possibility is very real--when Kai might not get another opportunity.
“Hia,” Kai whispers the word to himself, like a prayer. “Hia, Hia, Hia…”
“Kai.” Luca is suddenly there, dropping down in the seat next to him. Kai looks wordlessly up into the other man’s face. Luca’s voice remains soft. “Tell me exactly what happened.”
“I--” Kai chokes on the words, but forces himself to continue speaking. “I don’t know. Nail called, and Jet was outside my dorm, and there was so much--so much blood--”
“Ok, ok, ok,” Luca puts an arm around him. “Look at me, Kai. Breath in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Very good. Now do it again. And again.”
Kai shaky breaths become steadier, and his heart rate slows to a more regular beat.
“Listen to me.” Luca's gaze is steadily fixed on Kai. “Everything’s going to be ok.”
“Ok.” The word comes out of Kai’s mouth as little more than a croak, but he can breathe now, so that’s something. Mali sits down on his other side, putting both her arms around him. Luca starts to pace, like a caged animal. Zone and Kit look at each other, then the clock, then the doors of the emergency room. No one speaks.
Em comes out into the lobby, her expression strained. “Jet’s out of surgery. We got the blade out. It missed all his vital organs.”
“But?” Mali prompts.
“But,” Em sighs. “Jet lost a lot of blood, so he needs a transfusion.”
“So transfuse him already!” Kai can’t quite keep the panic out of his voice.
“It’s not that simple.” Em shakes her head. “We only found one donor, and he’s ineligible because--because of his recent hospital visit. His blood is still contaminated.”
One donor…
Recent hospital visit…
Contaminated…
“It’s me, isn’t it.” Kai’s heart sinks. “I’m the ineligible donor.”
My fault, my fault, my fault…
I’m sorry, Hia. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
“I’m a match,” Luca offers. “Jet and I have the same blood type--AB. He can have mine.”
Em gives Luca a grateful look and leads him down the hall. Kai resumes his seat, cradling his head in his hands, feeling completely useless.
“Kai,” Kit’s voice is quiet. “What did you mean when you said Nail made a choice for you?”
Kai hesitates before answering. “Nail called me. He called me and said I should thank him because he made the choice for me. I didn’t know what choice he meant until I saw--I saw--”
“Did Nail think you told him to attack Jet?” It’s Zone who asks the question.
“I don’t know!” Kai digs his fingers into his temples, as though he could pull his memories out to explain themselves. “I have no idea why he would think I’d ever say that!”
“I know,” Mali reassures him. “And I’m sure Jet knows that too.”
Kai shakes his head. “But what if he doesn’t?”
What if Jet thinks I lied to him about more than his birth certificate? What if he thinks I planned this all along? What if he hates me? What if…what if…what if…
“Kai,” Zone’s voice breaks into Kai’s whirling thoughts. “Maybe you should go home.”
“No,” Kai glances back at the closed emergency room doors. “I can’t.”
“There’s nothing else you can do here, Kai.” Mali is still calmer than Kai thinks she should be. “I’ll call you once Jet wakes up.”
“How come you can stay here, and I can’t?” Kai’s body starts to shake again. What if Jet dies while I’m gone?
“Kai.” Kit’s tone is quiet, but commanding. “Go home. Everything’s going to be ok.”
Kai’s feet are moving without his being aware of it--down the hall, out of the hospital, into the parking lot.
Jet thinks I want him dead. Jet won’t even talk to me after this.
My fault…
Luca’s car is parked outside, with Pepper in the driver’s seat. She gets out, and wraps her arms around Kai’s shaking body. She doesn’t say anything, just stands there, holding him.
“Pepper…” Kai’s voice breaks. “Everything blew up in my face.”
“I know,” She tightens her arms around him. “And I’m here, just like I said I would be.”
◼️◼️◼️◼️
When Kai had called, Luca’s pulse had frozen, and it was all he could do to keep calm when he’d got to the hospital. Giving Jet his blood was an easy choice for Luca to make, and not just because they had the same type. His second surprise of the night had been when his phone buzzed after his blood donation was complete. The text had been from a blocked number. Luca had received it shortly before leaving the hospital: You were right about the box cutter. My condo. Ten minutes.
Luca had driven across town without hesitation, knowing who the text was from and possibly what it meant.
Nail’s condo is brightly lit this time. He opens the door halfway through Jet’s knock.
“Jet’s still alive?” Nail's expression is neutral, but his eyes are slightly hunted.
Luca is not in the mood for sympathy and reassurance. “The hell do you want?”
Nail swings the door open, allowing Jet inside. The condo is not as neat and sterile as it was before. Three empty glasses are scattered around the room--one on the coffee table, one on the sideboard, one on a side table by the window. None of them are on coasters. A jacket lay crumpled over the back of the couch. New curtains at the windows block the lights of the city below. The odor of Scotch is heavy, almost suffocating.
“You were right about the box cutter.” Nail’s voice is barely audible, his eyes fixed on the floor.
“Yeah.” Luca watches him. “You called Kai so he’d get to Jet on time.”
“I called Kai so he’d know what choice was made.” Nail’s correction is curt, a mix of irritation and--relief?
Luca’s silence is thick with anger and unspoken questions. Nail moves to the sideboard. Rather than pour another drink, he pulls open a drawer and digs around in it.
Luca sighs. “Tell me why I’m here, Nail.”
“For these.” Nail turns back to him, holding out one hand. In his palm are two SD cards. “Chalam noticed the blank pages. He just didn’t know how many there actually were.”
“You stole these from Chalam.” Luca makes it a statement, rather than a question, just to fill the silence.
“You want them or not?” Nail doesn’t lower his hand.
Luca hesitates. “What are they?”
“CCTV footage.” Nail looks up into Luca’s face. “Of Chalam’s plan for the Saetangmasawats. I thought about what you said.”
Luca nods, his expression softening slightly. “I meant it.”
“I didn’t want to--I wasn’t interested in killing Jet.” Nail’s gaze drops. The tone of his voice seems to be trying to convince himself as well as Luca. “Chalam gave me an order that I followed. It isn’t my fault Jet got to the hospital on time, anymore than it was with Kai. Take these and get out.”
Luca holds out his hand, and Nail drops the SD cards into it. “I thought you didn’t like curtains.”
“I’m allowed to change my mind.” Nail shrugs.
Both men are perfectly aware that neither of them are talking about the curtains. Nail’s face remains a cold mask, but Luca can see the flicker of guilt in his eyes, and understands what he’s not saying.
“Thank you.” Luca means it.
Nail nod is curt, but his shoulders slump. “Just go.”
Luca slides the SD cards into his pocket. When he reaches the door, he glances back. Nail has moved back to the sideboard, bracing his hands against its edge.
“If you need anything…” Luca isn’t quite sure why he’s making the offer, or how to finish his sentence, but something about Nail’s posture pricks at his conscience.
Nail doesn’t look at him. “I said go.”
Luca goes, the door clicking shut behind him, leaving Nail alone in the front room of his condo.