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When going to a concert that tends to upset religious people, my family gets mad! |
| It was Monday, October 21st, 2024, and you are in a grouchy mood this morning. This is the morning where you had to get up and go to the hospital...for a colonoscopy... This was because, years ago, when you had it done then, the doctors found polyps in your bloated ass! Because of this, they scheduled for another appointment within the next year or two. Today, you and your sister would go into the hospital to check in. While in one of the rooms prepping up, you would be quite droopy from the meds.  You would then be carted off for the colonoscopy. After it was done, you were told some news again...they found polyps in your bloated ass again... This made you snap, HOW THE FUCK DO THEY KEEP FINDING POLYPS AND WHATNOT UP YOUR ASS?!? THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T LIKE GOING TO SEE DOCTORS! IT'S NOTHING BUT BAD NEWS, REGARDLESS OF WHICH DOCTOR YOU SEE! BUT FOR ROSS? IT'S A WHOLE LOT GODDAMN DIFFERENT! NO MATTER WHERE HE GOES, HE ALWAYS GETS A GOOD CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH! IT'S LIKE HE HAS A BODY OF A GOD OR SOMETHING! But then again, he doesn't eat at McDonald's and Pizza Hut and Taco Bell and Ihop as often as you do, BUT THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! On Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024, you would find out that Ross was heading to a Halloween themed symphony this weekend! Upset with the news, you would storm the kitchen to look for anything to munch on...nothing! You would then pull out your wallet and see if you have some money to grab yourself a bite to eat somewhere...nothing...damn greedy utility companies! You then decided to do something else...you were going to call your sister up and have her cook you up another pot roast! You would then pick up your phone and call her up! "Hey brother, what do you want?" "Hey sis, you mind doing your loving brother a favor? Why don't you cook me up a roast using Dad's old recipe and..." "Listen brother, I haven't been feeling that energetic right now! I have been having nightmares of Ross getting executed by the Taliban at night and could barely get any sleep!" "Why don't I cook you up a pot roast tomorrow after getting a good night's sleep and..." "BITCH, I SAID GET YOUR ASS UP AND COOK ME A POT ROAST, OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL COME OVER AND EAT YOUR DOGS!!! A few hours later, your half-asleep sister would finally arrive with a smoking hot pot of pot roast! You would quickly grab a spoon and try some. As you chew on the bits of food, you would once again not get a good taste and give your sister an evil look...You asked if she used healthy ingredients to cook your roast again...and she said yes... You asked her why and she said that she has heard what the doctors told you at the hospital earlier this week and is just trying to get you to be healthy! STUPID FUCKING BITCH!!! You would angrily throw the spoon and pot at your sister as she runs out of your house! You would then quickly use your credit card to buy yourself a burger meal from a Burger King... On Friday, October 25th, 2024, after arguing with your wife all morning, you would be convinced to take the kids back to the pumpkin patch...along with your sister's family. On the way to the pumpkin patch, you would stop by the convenience store where Ross goes and buys his Kratom...the damn junkie... As you go inside the store, you would tense up as you see quite a number of Arabian people in the store! They would all stare at you for a bit before going back to their business. As you walk closer to the drink section, you finally lose your cool and say something racially insensitive about these Arabs! The store owner and his staff heard you and demanded that you leave the store immediately! As you leave, you would turn around and yell at the store clerk, telling him, "Go back to your country Aladdin!" Your sister would see this and asks what they should do because she has to go to the restroom... You would let out a big sigh and tell her that hopefully, you would find another convenience store before going to the pumpkin patch! After a while, your group would see an outhouse by the side of the road! Your sister would demand you pull over so the family can use the restroom inside! You tell her that it was insane and the outhouse looked dirty! She then tells you that she couldn't hold it in anymore and rushes to the outhouse! After she comes back out of the outhouse all shaken up, you and the rest of the group would use it... If that fucking Arab didn't kick your family out of the store, your group would of been able to use MUCH CLEANER restrooms... Seriously, how does Ross put up with these assholes?!? However, while your group was at the pumpkin patch, you would get news that one of your nieces has gotten arrested after she would cause a scene at a DMV office... Seriously, those cops are a bunch of assholes! They didn't have to manhandle your niece like that! You would then make plans to confront the bastard at the symphony tomorrow night! On the morning of Saturday, October 26th, 2024, you would wake up with quite a strong hunger! You were so hungry, you could eat a horse or 2! You would then rush into the kitchen to look for a bite to eat...all you have is the healthy ass cereal that your wife has bought after she got the results of your colonoscopy! You would shrug before trying the healthy cereal...not good... You would go through several more boxes before you would snap and use your credit card to purchase breakfast...from McDonald's! After the food gets dropped off at your house, you would quickly snatch it up and run into the garage to eat your breakfast... As you dig into the hot cakes, you would hear footsteps approaching you...it was your wife...and she looks quite pissed off...  "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!? DIDN'T YOU HAVE A COLONOSCOPY EARLIER THIS WEEK WHERE THEY FOUND POLYPS IN YOUR ASS AGAIN?!? WHY ARE YOU BACK OUT HERE EATING THAT GARBAGE?!?" "Because I'm hungry and those healthy cereals you got tasted like crap...besides, how did you know I was out here?" "BECAUSE I SAW FOOTAGE FROM THE RING CAMERA, SHOWING YOU GRABBING YOUR FOOD AND RUNNING OFF LIKE A THIEF!" "Ok well, again, that cereal you bought was crap, I wanted McDonald's and..." "DON'T YOU FUCKING GET IT?!? THIS GARBAGE YOU KEEP EATING IS WHAT'S MAKING YOU SICK, AND UNHEALTHY, AND... "Bitch, just leave me alone and let me eat so I could..." At that point, your wife would snap and smack the plate of hot cakes right out of your hand! Before you could say or do something, she would then proceed to angrily stomp on your hot, delicious McDonald's breakfast!  As she continues to stomp on your hot, delicious McGriddles, you would finally snap and start to yell at your wife at the top of your lungs! You two would be so loud yelling at each other that the neighbors would get spooked and calls the cops! Unfortunately for you, a cop car would pull up just as your wife smacks you! In a panic, you would try to run back into the house and lock the door! (Warning: the following media contains actual children getting distraught. If this upsets you, DO NOT PLAY!) As you and your wife are taken to jail, covered in each other's blood, Ross's roommate would post the following video to your latest Facebook post: |
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