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A woman tries to find herself and security in a small town. |
| Lillian enjoyed waking up after a night devoid of nightmares. Grand Rock was so quiet. She was lulled to sleep by the sound of a small brook not far from Linda’s house. She had to place to herself after Linda left for the Gym where she worked as a personal trainer. Linda had assured her that she could just walk into the Town Hall without an appointment. Lillian leisurely finished her breakfast of coffee and toast with butter then she got up to shower and dress. She did her morning routine in silence and complete relaxation. It was so nice to be able to not have to worry about making mistakes. She relished the relaxed feeling that surrounded her. She picked out one of the suits that she always wore to the office. Linda had said that things in Grand Rock were less formal than in St. John’s, but Lillian wanted to make a good impression. A loud noise out made Lillian jump a mile. She felt so silly when she saw the man next door cursing as he carried out a door that might have fallen from his garage or shed. She leaned up against the wall and did the breathing exercises that Dr. Goodwyn had taught her. Breath in. Breath out. Over and over until she relaxed. Not every sound was a threat. Lillian finished dressing. It was so strange to be back in a place where mostly everything was within walking distance. The Town Hall was only a five minute walk from Linda’s place. The lane was littered with reds and golds with the falling Autumn leaves. The peace seeped into her bones, hopefully to stay. She needed peace. She needed safety. It looked like she needed Grand Rock. The building looked austere and plain. White siding gave it a clean look. She was amazed that there were only a few cards in the parking lot. A ramp jutted out from the side of the concrete front steps. The one handicapped space was empty. Lilian walked to the door and stepped through. Gingerly she approached the main desk. A man with dark hair concentrated on something in front of him. “Excuse me?” she said quietly. The man looked up and smiled, “Good morning Ma’am. I’m Sam Brown. How may I help?” “My name is Lillian Dwyer,” she answered, “I just moved here, I own a business and would like to register it in Grand Rock.” “That won’t be a problem, but you will have to talk to our business consultant, Rachel Slaney. She only works Tuesday and Thursday, so she’s not in today. I can certainly book an appointment for you with her.” “Sure,” Lillian answered, “I just moved here so my schedule is wide open. I wasn’t doing any business until I got settled here.’ Sam smiled and pushed some keys on his computer. “Is Thursday at 3;00 alright?” “Perfect,” Lillian said. Sam took a pamphlet out from under the desk. “Have you settled in?” he asked. “I am staying with a friend until I have settled. “ Sam gave her the pamphlet, “Here is a list of the garbage collection days for when you get a home of your own.” “Thanks,” Lillian answered with a smile and took the pamphlets, “I’ll see you then, I guess.” “Have a good day,” Sam answered and concentrated on the work in front of him. Lillian turned and left the building. Lillian walked out of the door, looking back to see if Sam was watching. He wasn’t and she leaned onto the railing that surrounded the front steps and breathed deeply and slowly to make her heart stop beating so fast. It usually did when she had to meet someone new. She wanted to run and hide, but she kept her head up and started walking to her place. She walked back to Linda’s house. She hadn’t had a panic attack in a while. Just when she thought she was over it, the attacks started again. She went into the house, put her coat and purse onto the coat tree and went into the kitchen. She took a cup from the cupboard and filled the kettle. She put the kettle on the burner and turned it on. She sat down and put her head in her hands. “What am I going to do?” she asked to the empty room. All of a sudden it seemed like the kitchen was shrinking. It was only a talk with a member of the town council for something routine, and she was filled with anxiety. “You're useless.” “Why can’t you do anything right.” “Dummy. Dummy. Dummy?” All of the caustic, hurtful things Andrew had said to her reverberated through her head, and she felt like she would faint. “No. No. No,” she moaned. All of a sudden Linda rushed in. “Honey, are you alright?’ Lillian got up and threw herself in Linda’s arms and started to sob. “It’s okay Sweetie. Just cry,” Linda said soothingly and rubbed her back gently. Lillian cried for a few minutes then both women jumped at the sound of the boiling kettle. “I forgot I put it on,’ Lillian said and extricated herself from Linda’s hold. She walked over and took another cup from the cupboard. She filled both cups with coffee and boiling water. “You came back for lunch.” “And I’m so glad I did. Do you want to talk about it?” Linda said. “I went to the Town Council today to find out about registering Party Time Event Planning. It was going fine and, now, I’m having a panic attack. All I could here was Andrew in my head. Over and over. Will I ever be over this?” “Someday, yes,” Linda said, “For now I’m here, your parents are here and we all love you so much.” Lillian put both cups on the table. She sat down and took a sip as Linda sat down sipping hers. “I love you too and I’m going to put you through more of this,’ Lillian said mournfully. “It doesn’t matter, Baby. I will hold you and listen to you cry as much as I have to. I am not being put through anything except the chance to show you how much you’re loved.” “Are you sure?” Lillian asked. “I have never been more sure of anything in my life. Let’s take this off our minds by going to the Church fundraiser, if you feel up to it.” Lillian nodded in a determined way. “Yes. I have to get used to seeing people. We can run to the car if I freak out again.” “Deal,” Linda said, grinning widely. She watched her friend sip her tea and kept the smile pasted to her mouth. There were times she could just kill Andrew.   |
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