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Shadow and Light poetry |
Bad Teeth and Other Dental Poems I have bad teeth Really bad behaving teeth All my life I have battled my teeth And many crooked dentists Have gotten rich off trying to fix These damn crooked teeth of mine I always wished I could have perfect teeth Perfect vision Perfect hearing Perfect athletic body But instead I have crooked teeth Bad vision Bad hearing And an uncoordinated body to boot Thus is my fate And I have learned to accept These damn crooked teeth And my visits to crooked dentists Dental Torture Blues Sitting in the dental chair Undergoing dental surgery While the dentist probes And tortures me With his instruments of pain The Frank Zappa song plays over and over The torture never stops The torture never stops And I think of the mad dentist In Little House of Horrors The Jack Nicolson character Who screams Pain is good As he assaults his patients Doing root canals Without anesthesia And so I endure the torture Of the dentist In the vain hope I can save my teeth Until the next time I undergo dental torture The song faces away And I slowly recover Then as I leave I am confronted with the bill And the song roars back to life The torture never stops the torture never stops More Dental Blues I have the dentist blues I have them bad Have to go to the dentist For my twice yearly torture session In order to save my remaining teeth I must endure the never ending pain I have the dentist blues I have them bad I must have known over 100 dentists During my 61 years around the sun Some were good, some were great A few became friends A few became enemies I have the dentist blues I have them bad All tortured me Saying it was for my own good To save my crooked wicked teeth My teeth are bad Wicked, misbehaving Rotten to the core And always have I have the dentist blues I have them bad I tried orthodontic braces As a child Gave it up as an adult Did everything except implants So many crowns So much dental work My teeth are gold plated Monuments to the dental artistry I have the dentist blues I have them bad A few dentists were exceptionally good A few exceptionally bad A few were crooks by and by I have the dentist blues I have them bad My current dentist is good He keeps the chit chat down Does not lecture me on his political views Imagine having a dentist praise GW Bush Or Trump taking your forced silence As acceptance of his right wing views Imagine a dentist talking endlessly About her children’s latest escapade While drilling away I have the dentist blues I have them bad And imagine a sexy dentist Or hygienist working away As you think of her in bed And can’t get that thought Out of you head As they drill and poke I have the dentist blues I have them bad Yes I have a love hate relationship With dentists Can’t stand them Can’t stand the pain But they save my teeth And save my smile And so I forgive them One and all I have the dentist blues I have them bad |
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