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| Well, today's article is likely to be almost as controversial as the one about bagels. But, I'm guessing, it's a bit more of a sensitive topic. As a disclaimer, I know almost nothing about the source here, so I have no idea what agenda, if any, it might have. Well, for starters, what I "know" is that it's not anyone else's goddamn business. Not satisfied with managing your own life path? Better try to tell other people how to live. Ashley Manta knew she didn't want kids as early as her teen years. "Oh, my dear, you'll change your mind!" "Just wait until your biological clock starts ticking!" "It's different when they're your own!" "Even as I got older, after college and grad school, when I looked at my friends who had kids, they always seemed exhausted, stressed, and financially strapped," Manta says. "Kids are expensive! I'd rather spend my money on growing my business, traveling, and saving for the future." Then there are the people who consider "exhausted, stressed, and financially strapped" to be badges of honor. Manta is far from alone. The subreddit r/childfree has 1.5 million members, and there's a sterilization subreddit with 17,000 people dedicated to discussing permanent birth control options like getting their fallopian tubes removed (called a bilateral salpingectomy). I have mixed feelings about reddit; I don't visit the site often and I don't have an account there. But if that's what it takes to find people to help support you in a world that seems increasingly and bafflingly pronatalist, I won't rag on it. I will point out, though, that this article is very woman-centric. That's okay. There's a real difference in how society views childfree women than childfree men, which is really weird when you think about it, but weird is par for the course when considering human society. The article goes on with a fair amount of detail about the bilateral salpingectomy, or bisalp, but I'm not here to talk about the mechanics of it, just the social aspects. So I won't reproduce it here. (Pun absolutely intended.) The current political landscape is a major reason that child-free people like Manta are seeking out permanent forms of birth control. "When Roe v. Wade was overturned by the Dobbs decision in 2022, I knew I needed to start looking into more permanent forms of birth control," Manta says. At the risk of getting political, this may be an example of what they mean when they talk about "unintended consequences." "Around the same time, I started considering what it would look like to live in a state other than California, specifically Texas where I have family, and I knew I would never feel comfortable living in an anti-choice state if there was any possibility of my becoming pregnant." And don't give me that "so just don't have sex" bullshit. Rape is a real (and horrible) thing that happens to real people, and, contrary to what certain ignorati proclaim, it does sometimes result in pregnancy. Also, I've rarely heard of anyone saying that to men for the same reason. Anne Langdon Elrod, 27, has known she doesn't want to have children for several years. In 2019, she says, she came to the realization that American society often falls short in supporting expectant and working mothers. Not only are children now a luxury, but they're an expensive luxury. "And a coworker of mine explained to me that pregnancy is considered a preexisting condition, and many women are unaware they need to enroll in such insurance before becoming pregnant — unless their employer offers a group plan. Hearing her perspective opened my eyes to the complexities women face when planning for motherhood." Way back in the early 90s, I distinctly remember reading a passage from my company's health insurance handbook: "Pregnancy is treated like any other illness." I have no idea why more people didn't catch that and call them out on their phrasing. Anyway, obviously, I have no personal experience with this, being very much not female. But some of my favorite people are women. Some of them have kids. Some don't. It is, and it should be, a personal choice. I don't mean "choice" in the way it's been co-opted into the everlasting argument about abortion, but a proactive choice. I've known women who were told, in no uncertain terms, that it didn't matter that they knew, absolutely knew, that they didn't want to be mothers; the doctors wouldn't do anything permanent lest they change their mind and end up suing the doctor. I didn't experience that as a man; I just got "okay, here's a referral to a urologist." That was nice for me (well, apart from a few days of soreness), but the inequality of it pisses me off. My real point here, is this. Or, rather, the points are these: 1) it ain't nobody's business if you want to have kids or not, regardless of sex or gender, except maybe your life partner's if you have one; and 2) Adults should be trusted to know their own minds, not infantilized with things like "oh, honey, you'll change your mind." And just to be clear, I'm not hypocritical enough to say "don't have kids" here; that would be making it my business, which I just said it wasn't. (While I have been known to say that, it's usually in reference to someone who's on the fence about the decision and, maybe, experiencing social pressure to do the opposite.) What I am saying is: let's not shun or shame those who make that decision. I can only imagine how terrible it is to really want children and be unable to have them (though that describes my parents), but it's also a Bad Thing to not want children and be forced to have them. |
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