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| Here's another opinion about tipping in the US, this one from Art of Manliness and focused around the practices of the second-best musician to come out of New Jersey. Frank Sinatra had a word for tipping: duking. Funny, that's what I call disappearing into the men's room for an extended period of time while everyone else argues about the check. Besides frequently tipping, Sinatra handed out gratuities in Midas-like amounts. He almost always duked in C-notes — $100 bills. As the article points out, this was when $100 meant something. Duking was his way of saying: I see you. I value what you do. And I want you to know it. That's one interpretation, sure. But there's a darker one. None of my other sources list "tip" as a synonym for "duke." The latter word is most commonly used as a royal title, but can also be applied (especially around the time Sinatra would have been rolling around the mean streets of Hoboken) to battle-ready fists. Now, it's entirely possible it's regional slang, or something innocent he made up based on the sound. Still, I can't help but note that American tipping culture has racist and classist origins, which, according to our ideals at least, should be as anathema as calling anyone other than John Wayne a "duke." Tipping used to be simple. You tipped the waiter. The bartender. The shoeshine guy. The bellhop who lugged your Samsonite to your room. The guy who took care of your horse. The person who wiped down your carriage. The hunter who brought you mammoth meat. Now, the touchscreen spins around at the fast-food counter and you’re asked to choose between 18%, 22%, and 25% . . . for someone who just handed you a value meal. If you're lucky, anyway. I've seen the options go much higher than that. When you’re asked to tip for transactions that don’t involve personal service, the whole thing starts to feel less like hospitality and more like a shakedown. That's because it kinda is. The Emily Post Institute and other etiquette experts draw a line here: you don’t need to tip for counter service or pre-packaged goods. Save it for situations where someone is personally attending to you; where their level of care or craft contributes to the overall quality of the experience. Much as I hate to agree with the linked article, I do, in this case. With the disclaimer that tipping is a cultural thing, and this article is about the US. Sinatra’s tipping needn’t be imitated dollar for dollar. I would hope not. Even now, 75 years later, most of us aren't going to tip $100 on a $30 meal. And in terms of real value, as the article points out, that would be more like $1000 today. 1. Tip big where it counts. Especially if you're a regular. 2. Don’t nickel and dime people. If you can afford the service, you can afford the tip. Okay, here's where I break. I really despise the construction "If you can afford x, you can afford y." If I've budgeted for x, I don't want to be surprised by suddenly also owing y. It's like saying "If you can afford $200 for concert tickets, you can afford the extra $200 Ticketbastard convenience fee." "If you can afford a Porsche, you can afford the insurance on it." Bullshit. And taken to its logical conclusion, "If you can afford a night out, you can afford a mansion." 3. Skip the tip when it doesn’t make sense. No one expects you to tip the cashier at the gas station. I wouldn't say "no one." There's a bakery in my town that I really like. They make excellent bread and pastries, and the products are priced accordingly. 95% of the time, the service is simple: pick up bread, put in bag, ring it up. While the product quality is much higher, the service is no different from that of McDonald's, where no tips are requested or expected. That's how I developed my McDonald's Rule: if the service is equivalent to a fast-food joint, no tip. The other 5% of the time, they might do something special for me like decorate a cake or search in the kitchen for a fresh batch of something they're out of at the counter. That's personalized service, so a tip is warranted. The difficulty is that their credit card machines are set up with tipping options, and they like to stare at you while you're going through the tip screen. It's awkward. Most places like that, I just never patronize again, but, dammit, they make the best baguettes I've ever had the pleasure of tasting. Yes, even better than ones I had in France. 4. Keep it discreet. Flashing cash for attention turns generosity into performance. Sinatra never tipped to be seen. Right, a guy known for being a performer. 5. Only duke on the way out. Sinatra never greased palms to jump the line or get premium service. And this one, I also agree with—mostly. If you give them extra before a service, it's not a tip; it's a bribe. As I've noted before, the story that "tips" began as an acronym for something like "to insure prompt service" is a fauxtymology, which should be obvious to anyone who knows that the tip follows the service. Again, though, there are exceptions. Like, most delivery drivers won't waste their time with your order if you don't bribe them. So if you don't fill out the "tip" part of the order form, you won't even get the opportunity to tip them later because they're serving customers who have already bribed them. One solution, of course, is to avoid ordering delivery, but dammit, it's convenient. Which is why it's worth tipping on. After all, if you can afford food, you can afford the delivery fees. Right? |
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