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Now my family is attacking Broadway musicals! |
| It was Sunday, February 1st, 2026, and you are currently at home, cooking up a big pot of chicken and dumplings while running the Royal Rumble on TV! At one point, you stopped stirring up the pot and placed a lid on it before going into the TV room to watch the wrestling! As you watch the wrestling show, you decided to post a quick TikTok video of yourself talking about how Wrestling is a REAL SPORT, unlike Hockey which is for morons! After posting the video to make yourself feel better, you would start to smell some smoke! Just as the smoke alarm goes off, it would dawn on you that you left the pot of chicken and dumplings on to cook for too long and now the kitchen is filling up with smoke! As you try to get smoke out of the kitchen and put the food out on the burnt food, you would hear your wife stomping down the stairway while starting to yell! "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL AND WHY IS THE FIRE ALARM GOING OFF?!? DID YOUR FAT ASS BURN SOME FOOD AGAIN?!?" "No Honey I um, I think a dog took a dump or something, and the smoke was from a bong and..." "OH BULLSHIT, YOU DONE BURNED SOME FOOD AGAIN AFTER WE SPENT HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS TO REPLACE ALL OF THE GROCERIES FROM THE WINTER STORM! After putting out the fire and dumping the burnt food into a trash bin outside of the house, you would cuss up a storm from under your breath, wishing that Ross never left for Lafayette and stayed to help his family! If he did that, you wouldn't have burnt your food and you and your family wouldn't have to endure weeks of no power! The next day, on Monday, February 2nd, 2026, you would get some news that your brother is seeing a Shen Yun performance in the downtown area! Are you fucking kidding? THE HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS THAT HE SPENT ON THIS HORSE SHIT COULD OF WENT TO HELPING OUT YOUR FAMILY TO RECOVER FROM THE WINTER STORM! IT COULD OF WENT TO GROCERIES, HOUSE REPAIRS, FUEL FOR THE TRUCKS AND CAMPERS, OR HELL, PAYING OFF THE EXTRAVAGANT ELECTRIC BILLS! You would continue to bitch up a storm as you throw out more food that has gone bad from the winter storm! The next day, on Tuesday, February 3rd, 2026, you would get some bad news! Sometime last night, your cousin's wife had to take a baby to a hospital because it's mouth was filled with vomit and wasn't responsive! Later, police would arrive at your cousin's house and instead of giving him comfort while the baby is in the hospital, they would take away the kids while cuffing him just because doctors found drugs in the baby's system! (Warning: the following media contains actual children getting distraught. If this upsets you, DO NOT PLAY!) Not only that, but one of your nieces would find out that her boyfriend cheated on her, so she and her sister got drunk, got naked, and trashed up their own home, getting the attention of the police! And finally, one of your siblings got into his truck and attempted to drive over to the downtown area where Ross is and confront him outside of the theater! He would be downing some Moonshine while driving his wife's truck along an icy road! At one point, he would lose control and flies off the road and into a tree, causing him to smash his face into the steering wheel and knocking him out! He would later be woken up by police officers standing outside of his truck! You then get pissed off and go online to try to buy yourself a ticket to Shen Yun to try to go inside and kick Ross's ass himself! Unfortunately, you came across an all too familiar sign... Are you fucking kidding? THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAD TO ENDURE WEEKS OF CHAOS CAUSED BY THE WINTER STORM! YOU HAD NO POWER! THE ROADS WERE COVERED IN SNOW AND ICE! ASSHOLE COPS WOULDN'T LET YOU LEAVE YOUR HOME! AND YOU QUICKLY WENT THROUGH YOUR PROPANE SUPPLIES COOKING UP WHAT LITTLE FOOD YOU COULD GET!!! While in the midst of a cussing fit, your wife would come up to you and ask what you are going to do about supper? The kitchen is empty of food again, and the children are starving! Just then an idea popped into your head! You remember that the performance Ross is watching that night is based on ancient Chinese tradition, so you decided to focus your supper plan around it! "Hey Honey, how about we go out and pick up a bunch of Chinese instead?" Your wife would agree to this and that night, you dumped about $500 into some Chinese food and devour it at home! You would keep eating pounds of it as it fills up your big gut and soothes away your nerves! |
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