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 |  My first ever Writing.com journal. |
| boring title, i know. i'm starting to figure out (from the stats on my last five entries) that titillating entry titles yield considerably higher readership, but this particular time i'm like, who cares. that's what kind of day it's been. deceptive title, too, but "nonplans" isn't a word. i don't often get academically frustrated, but midterms are a perfect catalyst for self-doubt, and i had two today. the first one went swimmingly (even though i'd completely neglected to read two of the four books it was on) and i'll probably get a high a; the second one was even easier, but the professor, who detests me (objectively speaking), will doubtless find some way to stick it to me with a b-minus. not a problem, except that i'm the kind of student who tends to think her entire future happiness is contingent on every teeny assignment. i.e., the shaky certainty of success on today's second midterm could very well mean i get rejected from every law school i apply to, and end up getting rerouted into some sort of holding chamber for college graduates with no immediate plans and few marketable skills. okay, that's not true. if i look at my personal equation objectively, it's clearly ridiculous to entertain thoughts of serious failure. i have decent grades, i test very well (1550 on the sat = something good on the lsat, from what i hear), all my former employers are brimming with great recommendations, i'm in multiple leadership roles on campus, and, much as i hate to add this, i've got the minority edge. not to mention rich parents--one of whom is a lawyer himself--who want to see me on my feet absolutely as soon as possible. all signs are good; i'll graduate on time and with honors, and law school should follow forthwith. maybe the point, then, is that sometimes i'm not convinced i WANT to do this for the next, what, five years? and that's only if i make it through on time, and pass the bar. so yes, five (or six) more years of school, plus the last three months of this year, and then out into the world of securities law. i'm going to do it, because it's expected of me, but i'm definitely not excited about it. here are some things i'd rather do for the next four decades of my working life: 1. design wonderful habitats to inspire creative young minds (think emerald forest, willy wonka's chocolate factory, beautiful blue ice caves, etc.) 2. write romantic pregnancy stories and get paid on commission (a thousand dollars for every use of the words "womb," "belly," "splayed," etc.) 3. professionally worship a certain penis (i won't say whose but it would entail building shrines, writing odes, etc.) there are others but those are the three that spring most readily to mind. too bad i can't actually earn money doing any of those things, or anything i actually enjoy doing on a daily basis. but it's all good; i have twenty years' experience living life purely to earn the approval of the elders. that's "firstborn syndrome" at its finest, and i don't even pretend to renounce it. in other words, spring break can't come soon enough. (it starts on saturday, so we're all good.) in other news, i got a text message today and i thought my heart was going to explode. it said "miles eugene edwards." let me know if you're interested in hearing why this is heart-stopping. and wish me luck on these last two term papers. |
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