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 |  Journal writings about my youngest son's journey with spina bifida |
| The nurse showed us where the family waiting room was and we sat down in the row of chairs. I felt sick and fought hard to keep from breaking down into sobs. My husband held me and told me Jack would be okay. He urged me to go back to the hotel room and take a shower. Jack wouldn't even go into the operating room for an hour or two; they would be doing preop stuff, he reminded me. I shook my head and fought him over it for a few minutes. But, then, another couple came into the waiting room and the woman completely broke down. She sagged into her husband's arms and cried. His face was ashen and stricken as he held her. Seeing them, I couldn't take another minute. I had to get out of there before I lost it. I made my way through the halls to the hotel room and closed and locked the door. I walked into the middle of the room and let go. I sobbed as I prayed. And then . . . I felt God's prescence. Within minutes of starting to pray, my cries lessened and I felt a peace. I had been so scared of crying and letting go. Afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop. Afraid that it would hurt too much. But God answered and He answered quickly. It was as if He pulled me into His arms and soothed me as I might soothe Jack. I stopped crying and instead prayed, thankfully, for our blessings. Then, I took a shower and went back to the waiting room. Still scared, but now knowing God was with me, as well as with Jack. |
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