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 |  My first ever Writing.com journal. |
| He's up and out before dawn. Off to the woods, back at sunrise with his arms full. * He wakes to the insistent tattoo of tiny feet; opens his eyes and there's Kai, half-naked, hair undone, saying his name over and over. He cringes, annoyed with his own lack of foresight--of course he knew she'd be up first; she always is. Grabbing her around the waist, he holds her still long enough to check her tongue. Breathes a sigh of relief, kisses her curl-covered forehead. "Morning, baby doll," he murmurs, pulling them both into a sitting position. "Where's Mommy?" "Sleeeeping," reports Kailani excitedly, pointing. So she is. "Okay," says Aaron, quieter this time. "Let's get you into some clothes and get out of here so we don't wake her up, okay?" "Otay." * Half an hour later, they're down on the opposite beach, splay-legged on the sand. Kailani plays with her dolls while Aaron braids her hair (a skill he's only just picked up in the past few months or so). "We're gonna leave Mommy alone today," he informs her as he works, deftly twisting her dark brown curls into soft ropes. "Give her some time to herself, okay, munchkin? Just you and me; maybe we'll get some swimming in before lunchtime. Coconut salad for lunch, Kai? That sound good?" "Swim?" He smooths down the stray curls around her ears and spins her around to face him. "Whatever you want, kiddo," he tells her solemnly, eyes locking on her wide hazel orbs. "Swim all day, if you want." "Go swim, Daddy?" She's already losing interest, dropping her gaze to the pile of homemade dolls in her lap, but he has never loved her so intensely as he does at this moment. "Definitely, swim," he confirms once more, voice cracking on swim. He runs a finger across the line of her babysoft toes, palms her honeyed cheek. "We almost didn't even have you," he tells her on a sudden impulse. "Almost lost you before we even found out how gorgeous you were. Believe that?" She puckers and drops a kiss on her favorite doll's forehead. "And Mommy, we almost lost--no, no, not that this was your fault, but--she--I, we, I almost lost you both. Both my girls. And then--" He stops himself, embarrassed by his sudden tears. He doesn't want to think this again, doesn't want to live it again. She notices his silence and looks up. "We're swimmin, Daddy?" All at once he grabs her up, squeezes her till she whimpers. "Yep, let's swim." * It's a tactic that's served them well in the year since she's been mobile: run her around all day till she's exhausted, too tuckered out to even think of waking them in the night. She's fed and asleep by sundown, a warm, limp weight in his arms as he walks slowly around the island's perimeter. Shannon's made the fire herself tonight, and is sitting beside it, several yards from the shelter. She doesn't seem to hear him as he steps inside and wraps Kailani in her blankets. Then again, she doesn't react when he emerges, either; totally ignores him as he approaches the fire and sets gingerly down next to her. "She dropped off early tonight," he reports, jerking a thumb in their daughter's direction. No answer. He clears his throat. "I, you didn't eat your breakfast," he continues, thinking of the untouched bundle by her bed. He isn't sure whether he's joking; the very concept of what he's done eludes him, just as it did this morning, even as he was arranging the offering beside her sleeping form. "You, you, did you see--" She turns to look at him, and he swears he hears glass breaking somewhere. Her face is a mess, blotchy and red and tearwet. "I can't even look at you right now," she says softly, turning away. His face burns. "It's not what I want," he insists, reaching for her hand. She jerks it away and presses it to her belly, instead; rises and walks to the shore. "Okay," he whispers, watching her. "Okay." He stands and heads for the shelter alone. Steps inside, walks carefully around Kailani and gathers them up, the bright red berries, along with the note he left beneath them, this morning. Your decision, it reads. He tosses the berries out back, into the woods, and drops the note into the fire. |
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