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 |  My second journal here. My new beginnings. |
| I went to lunch with a few girls from work today. It was my cube neighbor’s idea. I dreaded it and was actually annoyed by it for some reason and didn’t want to go. I usually turn people down when they ask to go to lunch together. I’m extremely introverted and prefer to be alone. I realize this makes me look like a snob. I decided to go with them, however. It was actually pleasant. I kind of realized I picked the right girls to go with. They all seemed like me in that they convinced themselves to go like I did and that they sort of just keep to themselves at work to avoid the drama. We didn’t talk bad about anyone. We talked about the upcoming Switzerland trip and why we all REALLY wanted privacy filters on our screen (everyone says it’s a compliance issue and violation of privacy if others can see your screen, everyone knows it’s really so you can facebook and pinterest.) So, it was nice. I still feel really shy around them but it was a good release to get away from my desk and not have lunch alone like I think I like to do. I’ve been down and though it’s not actually causing any trouble in my relationship, it is causing him some trouble. He doesn’t like seeing me upset. He’s afraid that I’m not happy with our relationship which couldn’t be farther from the truth. He’s the best thing in my life. He makes me feel better when I’m down. He’s not the reason I’m down. Just sometimes I get like this and I just have to let myself….be like this. For a bit. Without him seeing me all bummed out. Especially when both of us know I have no good reason to be. But the truth is, it happens. I don’t know why I get like this. I think if I had to sum it up I would have to say I just feel like I have no control. But it hurts my heart to see him worry about me. Especially to worry that I’m not happy with him. What would I do without him? I love him. He’s amazing and perfect and I don’t want him to think like that. I have to do be better. I have to stop being so negative all the time. I won’t let him blame himself for anything. He deserves better than that….and I’m going to give it to him. Much love and happiness,  Elaine Bradley |
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